>I wrote this on January 28 of this year – it’s the next of the sequential journal entries I have stored on the computer to post in those times when I haven’t written in a few days and don’t have time at that moment to write something new. But, before I post an old entry, I always go back and re-read it – just to check for accuracy, grammar, etc. I have to say, I needed to read this one today!
My sweet little Steven was sick for nine days. Well, nine days if you count the fact that he takes a day or two to recover AFTER the symptoms go away. It started with a cold and cutting a molar, which made him miserable. Then he had a day or two to rest before the flu hit the whole family, but even in those two days it was obvious he wasn’t “normal” yet. But, the thing that stands out the most to me from that time of sickness is something that happened on about the fifth or sixth day. Steven and I were snuggling in the recliner. It was obvious we both felt a little better that day, and I was trying to start a game with Steven – you know, a game of patty cake or a light-hearted tickle time. Anything to get one of those incredible smiles or perfect toddler giggles out of my sweet boy. But, nothing worked. Don’t get me wrong – I loved the quiet snuggles I’d gotten all week. He’s often too busy to just stop and snuggle with me like that. But, I missed the smiles and laughs. I missed the joy. I remember looking at him and saying, “I just want my happy boy back!” It was with much delight that on the tenth day he crawled into my lap with a toy and we began to play. It wasn’t long before we were both cackling and having the best of times!
And, yes, somewhere in the middle of it all came that still, small voice reminding me that I am made in the image of the greatest Parent ever, and that the things that touch my heart do so because my heart is molded after His very own. That sweet voice reminded me that when I let my circumstances – my “sickness of heart” – rob my joy, He misses His joyful child. He misses my laughter and my smiles. He misses the way I see Him and His hand in the littlest things and marvel at His love. Don’t get me wrong – He loves the times when I snuggle into His arms because I just don’t feel well enough to do anything else. He loves those times when I can’t do anything but rest in Him because that’s all I have the energy to do. But he misses my joy. He came that we might have joy because in Him is the fullness of joy! And, just like that tenth day when Steven felt he had the energy to play again, God waits for that moment when we look up from the sickness of our souls and realize that, with our eyes on our precious Father, we have the strength to smile, laugh, and be filled with joy again!