I’m running late on blogging today. A day late, actually, considering I like to write these the night before and have them scheduled to post first thing in the morning.
My excuse last night was that I wanted to devote my attention to my beloved hubby who would be leaving at 5:00 AM to head to Memphis for a week-long seminary class. I figured the blog post could wait until morning. We enjoyed our evening together and then headed to bed in hopes of a restful, albeit short, night’s sleep.
But it was not to be. For two days my four-year-old had been showing signs of entering another round with croup, and around 10:00 those signs strengthened. As we headed to bed, monitor on so we could hear if our little sweetheart needed anything, I prayed for a good night’s sleep. If there was any night it was needed, this was the night! Doug had to be up around 4:00, he had an early morning drive, and then he had to be in class all day. Meanwhile, I had a long list of things I needed to accomplish on my Monday. I literally begged the Lord for a peaceful night! Instead, by 1:00 AM Steven was fully in need of steam baths and being held upright as he wheezed and rattled through the remainder of the night.
As I lay awake holding Steven upright and praying for him and whatever else I could think of, I questioned once again why something like this always happens when we most need rest. Does God have some sick sense of humor, getting a kick out of wearing us down?
Or does He rather have a strong desire to make sure we have to rely on Him?
As I prayed for Doug and his need for rest, I sensed God asking me what I trusted for Doug’s safety – adequate rest, or his Father’s protection? What strength did I rely on to get both of us through day one of separation – a healthy child and sound sleep or the never-failing hand of the Strengthener and Healer?
Now this is not the forum to argue whether or not God made my son sick to prove a point and make us lean on Him. But the reality is that for two days Steven’s croup has been threatening such that it hit the very night we needed the most rest. And the reality is that we didn’t get much sleep at all last night. Furthermore, the reality is that Doug made it safely to Memphis and survived through day one of class despite sleep deprivation. I made it through the day (miraculously without a nap), got a few critical things done, did not snap at my children, was calm about Steven all day, and am about ready to go read a couple of chapters aloud to the kids before they settle in for the night. If Doug and I had both had a good night’s sleep, where would the credit have gone for any of today’s successes? To rest and ourselves. Where did it go under these circumstances? To God.
The realization of it all makes me aware of the fact that I don’t give God nearly enough glory. I don’t like my son being sick. I don’t like going through my day sleep deprived. But, I am so thankful for the way God brings good out of yuck. I like the way that He teaches me.
Hopefully next time I’ll remember to give glory where glory is due without such a reminder. But, even if the reminder is necessary, I’m thankful to be growing. I’m praying that tonight Steven sleeps beautifully and Doug and I are able to catch up on our rest – him in Memphis alone and me here without him. Either way, I commit to give God the glory for tomorrow.