There are days when I come face to face with just how stubborn I really am. Yesterday was one of those days.
I was washing dishes, and I had several blog post ideas running through my mind. I was writing them in my head, as I frequently do. The biggest problem with that is that I come up with these awesome intros and can say just what I want to say as I write it in my mind, but when I sit down to type it out my mind goes blank.
Doug and I have talked several times about using a voice recorder to talk out my posts at times like those – times when I can’t sit down immediately and write them down. Yes, I’d still have to type them out later, but at least I would have a recording of what I was thinking!
Yesterday morning would have been a perfect time to go grab my BlackBerry, open the Voice Notes feature, and start recording. In fact, I think the phone might have been right there in the kitchen with me. But, I didn’t. Why? Because I’m stubborn, that’s why.
I actually stopped my mental blog writing and started arguing with myself about why I didn’t want to go get the phone.
- My hands were deep in water and I didn’t want to take the time to stop, dry them, start the recorder, and get back to washing.
- The recorder would pick up the sound of washing dishes and running water, and I didn’t want that.
- I am not super comfortable with thinking out loud. As soon as I start talking, the words that are so clear in my mind get jumbled up. I know it would get better with practice, but what good would that really do me today?
- I have three kids. At home. Supposed to be doing chores. What better time to interrupt Mommy? Or to stand around and listen to what she’s saying?
It was all just excuses. But, it worked. I talked myself out of recording my blog thoughts. I actually did dry my hands, go write down two or three sentence reminders for each of the blog posts running through my head, and then head back to finish the dishes. So, one of the excuses went out the window right there!
What bothers me most about the whole argument that was going on in my mind is the realization that I argue myself out of things very frequently. It’s not always a big deal – sometimes it’s just an issue of convenience, like with using the voice recorder. But, other times there’s more to it. Other times I feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit and I argue myself out of it. I convince myself that it is just a silly idea of mine that really has no merit. But I know better. The truth is that I just don’t like to get out of my comfort zone. So, anything that tries to nudge me out of said comfort zone is something to argue against.
I have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to stop arguing myself out of these things. And, if the first step is to do something as practical as using the BlackBerry Voice Notes, then so be it. I’ll start there no matter how goofy I feel.
At least I do have one asset. It is my stubbornness that often keeps me safely inside my comfort zone. But, that same stubbornness will also be my help when I set my mind to step out of my comfort zone.
So here I go, stubbornness and all.