Sometimes I wonder why I agree to do certain things. Any number of things fit this description. A volunteer task. A teaching position. A long-term commitment. A writing project. Help on this or that. A sewing project. Contribution to a dinner. Hosting an event.
Many time, I have no difficulty pulling it all together and producing satisfactory results. Other times, though, I feel like I plod through every detail. I wonder if I will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday was one of those days. I had a list full of things that needed to be accomplished, but all of my time, energy, and effort seemed to be sucked up by one task. Every time I thought I was on a roll, a snag set me back yet again.
I muttered that I never should have signed up for this. I could have let this one slip by, but no – once again I had to go and open my big mouth and say I would do it.
Then I remembered. If it always came easily, would I naturally choose to lean heavily on God for the completion?
Yes, I had prayed. Then I had tried to act on His inspiration. But, I needed to lean more. Harder. I needed to stop supporting any of my weight with my own abilities. I needed to let Him do it all, not just sit behind me and offer a hint every now and then.
I stopped and asked God what I should do. I did not receive sudden inspiration. No flow of thoughts ran through my mind. I simply felt strongly that I should walk away. That is not what I really wanted to do. I wanted to sit there until it was right. I wanted a completed project under my belt. But, I could go no further on my own, so I got up and walked away. I completed a few of those other tasks on my to-do list, helped unload groceries from the car, and got supper ready for the kids. I prayed that God would work through me, and I determined to return to the project later.
I did return to the project last night, and it moved more smoothly. It’s still in progress, and I must still actively choose to surrender it to the Lord and trust Him to do what I cannot. I choose to be a vessel, allowing Him to use the skills He placed in me instead of trying to make them useful on my own. And I know that, with His help, the project will be completed in His way and in His timing.
In the meantime, I’ll try to hang on to the reminder that were I never challenged, I would never learn to rely on God.