It had been a busy few weeks with little rest. All I wanted was a nice, relaxing Saturday. Some real down time. A day when I did not have to be rushing from one thing to the next, keeping an eye on e-mail while trying to tackle the to-do list of the day, catch up on things that were behind, and juggle anything unexpected that came up demanding immediate attention. Stretching before me was just such a day.
Yet I was restless.
The whole family had enjoyed a much-needed sleep-in morning. We had things we wanted to do together, but for the time being, we were all sitting down to enjoy a little Bible reading, setting our hearts and minds on the Lord as we welcomed the day.
But my mind was restless.
Focusing on what I was reading and copying seemed to be an impossible task. My brain flitted here and there as if it could not land on anything specific thought. I was sure I needed to go check e-mail or complete some sort of task. Just relax and be? What a foreign idea!
Yes, everything about me was restless.
That’s when it hit me. What I crave during the down time reflects the true nature of my heart. And lately, the true nature of my heart had been busyness.
Not good focus.
Doing, doing, doing just for the sake of doing. I thought I had just been tackling a full schedule with many to-dos. And, in truth, the past few weeks have been full. But the restlessness that was overcoming me had nothing to do with full weeks and the need for productivity. It had to do with the fact that I had allowed myself to be overcome with busyness.
Even in the full weeks, I can keep my focus straight. But that has not been the story for me lately. I have allowed my focus to fall onto the busyness. I have allowed it to be consumed with the to-do list.
This past Saturday, I needed to refocus.
In my down time, I was craving one more glance at the e-mail. One more checked-off box on the to-do list. I should have simply been craving what the Lord had in store for me that day. That’s what I should be craving every day, no matter how busy or how full the list.
As I start this week, the schedule is still full. There is much to be done. But, I must make a choice. I cannot focus on the list. I cannot allow my attention to be consumed by the schedule or the plan. I instead must focus on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He must be my heart. He must be my desire. He must be what I crave all week.
And somehow I anticipate that, if I focus on Him, my rest this weekend will be much, much more restful.