Just Don’t Want To

Some days I just don’t wanna do it.

I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to teach my children. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to keep life together. I have seen several “just keepin’ it real, folks” statements on social media. Well, I suppose this is mine. Some days I just don’t want to.

Over the years, though, I have learned that giving in to my “don’t want to” temptations does not solve anything. I cannot run away today and suddenly feel motivated tomorrow. In fact, the more I run away the less motivated I feel tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Life falls apart when I run away.

I have also had to learn the difference between giving up and truly resting. Giving in to the “don’t want to” feeling is running away. It is laziness. It is a lack of discipline. Rest, on the other hand, is biblical. It refreshes me, refocuses me, and truly energizes me to get back into the game.

I don’t think I realized I had learned this lesson until recently, though. You see, I have been particularly unmotivated lately. I have felt a little bit maxed out and very behind on just about everything. That always intensifies the “don’t want to” feeling. It has been a hard fight lately.

Meanwhile, when the time changed we rearranged bedtime for the kids a bit so they could stay outside a little longer, enjoying whatever pretty weather comes our way. That has meant a later wake-up time for them as well.

I go in to awaken two of my three children, but my oldest has grown to prefer her own alarm clock. This child has always loved sleep. She is my latest sleeper and the one most likely to enjoy loafing around in her pj’s all day. I expected her to most enthusiastically welcome the later wake-up time every morning.

Imagine my surprise when, just a few days after the schedule adjustment, my daughter was up at the old wake-up time. Her explanation? “I just feel better when I get up earlier, Mom. It’s not exactly fun, but I know it helps me be more diligent and relaxed with my day.” It might be less fun, but it’s more restful. How profound.

This thinking is not in my daughter’s nature any more than it is in my own. But, as we have trusted her to be more in control of her time, she has watched us. She has seen how we deal with our mornings. She has observed the differences between our days of diligence and our days of laxity.

She has learned because we have learned.

Diligence on those “don’t want to” days does not just impact me. It does not just grow me. It does not just strengthen me. It makes an impact on those around me – especially on my children. It gives them the foundation upon which to build habits and decision-making skills that will carry them far as they grow.

Today, I must admit, is very much a “don’t want to” day. But, I cannot help but smile as I do it all anyway. My baby girl is watching. Even when nothing else matters, that makes it all worthwhile.