Posted in Marriage

Marriage Monday: The Modest Wife?


Some say it is “hot”. Still others argue that we defeat the purpose of modesty when we present it as the alternative for good Christians who desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.

Some argue that a person’s dress choices heavily influence the self-control of the opposite sex. Others say that the opposite sex needs to just learn to exercise self control.

(As a side note, take a look at this hilarious satirical post – When Suits Become a Stumbling Block. I must admit, I definitely like MY man in a suit!)

This topic has been discussed again and again regarding the dress and behavior of the young and single. We teach our young women to honor God in their appearance, trusting that He will open doors for young men to be attracted to them in a godly manner.

But what about those of us who are married?

Should married Christians automatically adhere to the exact same principles of dress as those who are single? Does honoring God with our dress look the same for both groups?

I would argue that the answer to both questions is no.

No, I am not giving married women license to dress provocatively. That is asking for trouble. But, I do have to wonder if our concern for modesty forces us to forget something very important.

Being attractive to our husbands is important!

My husband is a man. He is visual. He has consciously determined that a somewhat overweight 5’2” brunette is his ideal woman. But, in a world where media blares a very different message, both regarding body image and singular focus, he must make that determination continuously and actively. While it is his responsibility to keep control of his mind and thoughts no matter what anyone else wears or does, there are still things I can do to help him succeed.

As married women, we think that we have to find a balance – the fine line between dressing to attract the attention of our husbands while still honoring God before other men.

Allow me to encourage you to think in another direction.

Do you know which look your husband likes the most?

What brings a smile to his face? His choice might have nothing to do with society’s standard of sexiness. Instead, it is personal. His favorite serves as a visual reminder of something relational between the two of you. When you wear it, you send him a very special message.

It could be something you wore on a significant day in your marriage.
It could be a certain way you do your hair.
It could be a specific style that personifies what he sees in you.
It could even be the way you carry yourself, no matter what your wearing.
An attitude.
A look.
A touch.

Do you have any idea what does it for your husband?

Believe it or not, as God-honoring women, we can rather easily please our husbands visually. But, first we have to accept the challenge of digging a little bit relationally. We have to be willing to help our husbands learn to communicate what they like the most about us. We have to pay attention when they comment about certain looks or actions. (How many of us really know what we like without seeing or experiencing it first?) We have to be willing to graciously listen when they tell us that they do not like certain looks or outfits or styles.

If you do not know what pleases your husband, I encourage you to start digging today. You might be surprised and very pleased by what you discover!


I am a homeschooling preacher's wife and managing editor for the Well Planned Gal. But, I also love to write just for the fun of it. I also process best through writing, and my thoughts tend to flow from things I learn through the Bible, interacting with my family, and moving through life in general. Thanks for joining me in my not quite ordinary journey.

2 thoughts on “Marriage Monday: The Modest Wife?

  1. Good thoughts Ann! It really is about what your husband likes which can be very different from what is advertised or what others find attractive. And vice versa….when we went on a marriage retreat a few years ago the leader told each of us to let our spouse pick out our clothes for the weekend. When we got there, he looked at Justin & said “your spouse was supposed to pick out your clothes.” I informed him that I did pick them out. He was wearing nice jeans with a button down shirt because that is what I like!

    That post about suits really was hilarious!


What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s