Posted in Marriage

Marriage Monday: Choosing to Feel Like It

There is an indisputable fact about marriage: husbands and wives do not always feel the togetherness.

Even if a couple enjoys the same things, they are not going to always desire those things at the same time. They may both love action and romance movies, but there will come a day when she is in an action mood while he wants to take in a calm romantic comedy.

You laugh, but it could happen!

And I would be remiss if I didn’t go ahead and state the obvious. You’re going to think it before the end anyway! Sometimes one or the other just doesn’t feel like having sex.

But in all honesty, although the “I don’t feel like it” expression is most often applied to the bedroom, it truly does impact all aspects of marriage.

May I share a little secret with you? Attitude is a big deal when it comes to marital success.

When we choose to give into the “I don’t feel like it” attitude on a regular basis, we feed that attitude. We make it grow. Not only that, we feed our selfishness. Marriage becomes more and more about me and what I desire. A “me” attitude is a marital death blow. Marriage does not work when selfishness is a primary factor in the relationship.

But everything changes when we adopt an “I will choose to feel like it” attitude instead. Now keep in mind, this is not “I don’t feel like it but I will do it anyway.” Nope. That is martyrdom, which also does not bode well for marriages. It must instead be an active choice to move from not feeling like it to feeling like it. Taking control of our desires and making them obey us.

Is this not true of our spiritual lives as well? Think about those times when you desire something that is not God-honoring. You have to make a conscious choice to walk away and choose Christ instead. Right?

Why should marriage be any different?

A beautiful thing happens when we take control of our desires and feelings. We become more aware of the difference between apathy or laziness and those moments when we really have a legitimate reason to “not feel like it.” In the process, our spouses also learn to read us better. They learn the difference between excuses and real feelings. A bond of honesty and openness develops between us. And our marriages are strengthened.

I challenge you to try it once this week. Truly analyze your “I don’t feel like it” moments. Seek the Lord, asking Him to change your attitude. Then make a determined effort to choose to feel like it.

You might be surprised by how much fun you end up having!


I am a homeschooling preacher's wife and managing editor for the Well Planned Gal. But, I also love to write just for the fun of it. I also process best through writing, and my thoughts tend to flow from things I learn through the Bible, interacting with my family, and moving through life in general. Thanks for joining me in my not quite ordinary journey.

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