Posted in Marriage

Marriage Monday: My Competent Spouse, Pt 2

Last week, we discussed the reality that our husbands are truly competent. But, what does that look like practically? How can we affirm the competency of our spouses?

Here are a few things I’ve learned along my marital journey (and am still learning!):

Does It Matter?

There are times when I look at something my husband has done, and the perfectionistic monster arises within me. I want to go behind him and correct, do it my way. So, I stop and ask myself why it matters. Is it really problematic, or is it just preferential? Is my preference worth correction, criticism, and derision? The more I practice asking myself these questions, the more I find that the answer is, “No!”

A Little Honesty, Please

When it does matter, I should be honest about it. Some days, I need a little more order and structure. So, if I go back and straighten that comforter just a bit more, I should do it with honesty, admitting that this is a day when having the little things done my way will help me cope with the greater chaos of life just a little more easily.

There are also times when I have information my husband doesn’t have, requiring a tweak to how he accomplished something. I must remember this, though: My perfectionistic days should be very much the exception, and any necessary tweaks should be explained clearly and positively.

Sharing is Good

It’s also very important to blur the lines of responsibility sometimes as well. In our family, Doug takes on most of the ministry responsibilities, and I tackle the homeschooling. We try to share the overall family needs, although that system fluxes depending on whether or not our circumstances allow Doug to work from home.

Sometimes, though, those responsibilities overlap. Or, one of us is in a situation of needing to let go and allow the other to help. It’s okay to step outside of our standard roles – and I need to trust him to be able to handle a role he does not normally fill.

Going Public

Most importantly, though, I must publicly support his competence. It is culturally acceptable – and even encouraged – to bad-mouth our spouses in public. To joke about the things they don’t do well. As a godly wife and help meet, I should do the opposite. I should build up his strengths, not declare his weaknesses. The more I brag about him publicly, the more I see his strengths and the less I even consider his weaknesses.

Please know that I understand there are all types of marriages in today’s world. There are times when a husband truly is incompetent, and to say otherwise would be lying. If you are in that sort of marriage, please honestly and openly seek help!

But, Christian wives, God has given us the honor and privilege of being help meets to our husbands. Let’s reflect that honor by building them up and praising their competence!


I am a homeschooling preacher's wife and managing editor for the Well Planned Gal. But, I also love to write just for the fun of it. I also process best through writing, and my thoughts tend to flow from things I learn through the Bible, interacting with my family, and moving through life in general. Thanks for joining me in my not quite ordinary journey.

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