Tag: advice

Posted in What Works for Me

What Works for Me

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I got caught up in a variety of tasks this morning and ran out of writing time. But, in an effort to keep up the habit (more on that to come), I took enough time to review and update another old post to republish and share. So, here you go!

The more I have delved into the worlds of ministry and homeschooling, the more I have seen a certain truth reveal itself: What works for you just might not work for me.

We love to give advice. When someone has a problem, we are quick to share the perfect solution. After all, it worked perfectly for me. Doesn’t that mean it will work perfectly for everyone?

What we forget is that we are not a one-size-fits-all people. We are unique by design. As a result, one solution will not fit every single one of us. In fact, very often one solution will fit, well, one of us.

That produces quite the conundrum. If what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa), then I suppose we can never help one another!

Fortunately, that supposition is far from true. We can help one another. We just have to know how. As we dole out “helpful” advice, the most important thing to remember is that all situations are different. That realization needs to form the foundation for all advice that we give.

So, what do we do with this realization? How can it truly shape the advice we give? Here are some tips I have learned:

Explain why it works for me.

Over the years, I’ve written a lot of reviews, blog posts, and articles that offer information about a product or method. Each time I dive into this style of writing, I try to start with a little “insider” information. I don’t share my life story, but I do give enough information about my circumstances to allow readers to discern how their situation or personality might relate to or differ from mine. They can then make mental adjustments as they read. This can just as easily be accomplished with spoken and informal advice.

Learn to pay attention to how the recipient of the advice is different.

I have learned just how important it is to be personal and relational, truly listening to people and where they are before I dish out advice. (Okay, so I’ve learned how important it is to do this; I’m not always great at following through with it. I’m learning.) Only then can I clearly see the ways in which what works for me needs to be adjusted before the advice can be useful to the recipient.

Don’t take it personally when advice is not taken or does not work.

I am still learning to repeat to myself, “What works for me might not work for them.” It’s not only okay, it’s good.

Receiving Help

But, there is another side to all of this. There is the receiving end. Though many of us prefer to give advice than to receive it, we are often are in need of what others have to share. So, how can we receive help with both wisdom and grace?

Do not take advice at face value.

No successes are accomplished simply by formula – there are always other, often unnoticed, factors involved. What other factors were involved in your friend’s success story? How do those factors relate to your situation? What changes might you need to make to act on the advice you are given?

Determine to prayerfully consider the advice given.

Often we listen with a smile on our faces, respond that it sounds like a good idea, and walk away with no intention of actually following through with the advice. Why? Because we all have that tinge of pride, be it ever so small, that makes us shy away from acting on the advice of others.

We may or may not actually use the advice, but let’s not allow pride to be the reason. Let it be because it really won’t work for us. Prayerfully consider. Hold it up to Scripture. Be willing to consider.

We are a community, whether we like it or not. A community helps. May we be willing to both give and receive with more grace, wisdom, and discernment!

Posted in Work & Life

The Ideal Solution?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Our cat is a bit of a jerk.

I’ve mentioned this cat before. His name is Monty, short for Monterrey Jack, and he’s orange and white and should be very lovable. We expected him to be. (Someday I’ll tell you about his predecessor, the very lovable Colby Jack, and you’ll understand why we expected it.) But, he’s not. Instead, he’s a jerk.

(For the record, yes, both cats were given cheesy names. Yes, we love cheese. And we’re cheesy. And we have a weakness for orange cats. But I digress.)

Monty has so much personality, and we really do love that cat. But he’s a mess. And his love is on his own terms.

So, back to him being a jerk.

When our oldest daughter graduated from college and moved back home for a time, she brought with her a large black cat named Anubis. Newcomer Nubs (can you tell we like nicknames around here?) got along fine with our other daughter’s cat, a tabby named Rose (who never gets called Rose but instead is referred to by her litany of nicknames, especially Flüffy), but he and Monty did not get along at all. The feud was so great (mostly Nubs terrorizing Monty) that we ended up putting a baby gate up in our bedroom doorway that Monty could go under, but that, at least for a time, blocked Nubs. Our room was Monty’s safe space. We moved his food in there, and he only needed to go out to use the litter box, which was in the laundry room very near our bedroom.

After about 10 months, our daughter and Nubs moved out. And Monty quickly rediscovered the rest of the house. Delighted, we moved his food bowl back to its original location in the bathroom connected to the laundry room — separate from the litter box area, but in the area we had designated the “cat zone” when we first moved in.

But there was a problem. He wouldn’t eat from it. Not unless he was desperate. He would only eat from Flüffy’s bowl. At the other end of the house.

That was kind of funny in and of itself because we’d originally moved both bowls back into that bathroom, since it’s where they were before Anubis moved in. While Flüffy’s bowl was in there, Monty wouldn’t touch it and would only eat out of his own bowl. Flüffy, however, who is a rather anxious cat, wouldn’t go in there to eat at all. So we decided to move her bowl back into our daughter’s room, at which point Monty decided her bowl was the only one he would eat out of. (Remember my reference to him being a jerk? Yeah. And yes, there is a point to all of this, so bear with me.)

Now, having Monty’s bowl in the laundry room was ideal for us. It kept the bowl from being under our feet (its location in our bedroom was rather awkward), and it was in a convenient location for him. But he just wouldn’t eat out of it. Meanwhile, poor Flüffy was starving to death because chunky Monty was eating all her food!

In an effort to solve the problem, we moved Monty’s food bowl back to our bedroom. But even that didn’t work because at this point it was really more about reasserting his alpha status than anything else. So, we finally put both bowls together in our daughter’s bedroom so that both cats could eat.

Not necessarily ideal, at least from our perspective, but it worked. Of course, that brings us to an important realization (Yes, I’m finally getting to the point!): an ideal solution is only ideal if it actually works. In this case, what we thought was ideal actually held no practical benefit whatsoever because it simply didn’t work.

We get caught in that trap a lot, don’t we? We read books, listen to podcasts, or attend conferences about success and make decisions based on what the experts say about ideal solutions, whether regarding our personal lives or professional success. There is often great information there, and it’s frequently solid enough to indicate that it can help meet the need. So, we work to shape our practical to fit the ideal solution. But that’s backwards. The true solution is to refine and shape the ideal until it fits with our practical reality.

Solutions only work when we take the ideal ideas and process them until they become practical ideas. In our case, the ideal was to get Monty’s food (and Flüffy’s as well), into the cat area in the laundry room. The practical need was to provide nourishment for our cats. The ideal had to be reworked and shaped until it met the practical.

Is there something in life you are trying to shape to fit the ideal? Maybe it’s time to turn it around. Perhaps the better solution is to reshape the ideal to fit your life. Only then will the ideal solution truly become the practical solution.