I recently ran across something I wrote more than a few years ago, back when we believed empty nesting was still a long way off…
A couple of weeks ago, we headed out for a much-needed and highly anticipated family getaway. We left early on a Thursday morning because our mouth-watering, start-vacation-off-right, pancake and omelet breakfast treat was an hour away in the destination city of Hot Springs. It was a delight to hear the proclamations of, “Wow, that’s just good,” and see the expressions of delight as the kids tasted phenomenal apple pancakes, delectable omelets, fresh-squeezed orange juice, local sausage, thick bacon, and delightful apple butter. Before climbing back into the car to head on to our cabin twenty miles away, we walked off our fullness by browsing the shops that were open at such an early hour, and I once again delighted in the responses of my children as we entered a cute shop with pottery and carvings and jewelry. We ended up having to drag them out, even after they’d made small purchases and thought they were done looking. They kept finding new treasures they’d missed!
And then there was the cabin on the lake. A glorious retreat into peace and quiet and fresh air and beautiful views. A treasure for each and every one of us. Some of the time, we interacted. Walking around the park. Hiking a trail. Skipping rocks at the lake. Closing out each day with s’mores or warm beverages and a game of some sort. Other times, we did our own thing. Curling up with books either in separate rooms or scattered around the cabin’s living room. Wandering around outdoors. Sitting out on the porch with a cup of something or other, watching the rain fall.
But even when we did our own thing, we were together.
And that’s what I love about our family. We love being together. Oh, we frequently go our separate ways out of necessity, but we all like coming back together. We enjoy sharing things with one another. Laughing together. Discussing with one another. Speaking in movie or book quotes and pursuing philosophic contemplations together.
Just being together. Whether we’re interacting or doing our own thing.
Life is very different now. Our oldest lives two hours away. Our middle is choosing to spend her summer break from college here at home, but it’s temporary. She and our youngest will pack up and head to college together this fall. Our time of everyday physical, geographic togetherness has come to an end.
But here’s the sweet part. All five of us still really like doing life together. Sharing in the everyday, even when we’re not under the same roof. It has had to change forms, now looking like a Discord server where we enjoy random discussions about all sorts of topics. Now looking like taking the opportunity to enjoy one another’s company in groups of two or three, only occasionally getting all five of us together. Now looking like playing online games instead of gathering around a table once a week for game night.
When I think of families I’ve known through the years, the consistent reality is that the happiest of those families are those who enjoy being together, whether they have plans or are just being. And there is a distinct common thread that runs through all of the families who enjoy one another. They are all intentional about their togetherness.
Togetherness doesn’t happen by accident. Neither does the desire to be together. Both must be intentionally chosen. Actively cultivated. Even stubbornly pursued through the times when togetherness is not the pleasure and bliss we enjoyed during that memorable cabin vacation.
Sometimes togetherness is hard. Sometimes we get on one another’s nerves or wish for someone else — anyone else — to be with. (And yes, there are many times when we need to be with other people, but that’s another topic for another day.) But the good only comes when we choose the work. The discipline. The intentional interaction.
Togetherness may not be so easily accomplished these days. But my prayer is that we will never lose the joy of our togetherness, even if it has to be enjoyed through creative means. I also pray that our children are able to take that joy into their own adult lives. That they are able to cultivate and celebrate togetherness with whatever community or family God blesses them with.
Because it’s a beautiful thing to enjoy life…together.