Posted in Wednesday Work, What I Do

Learning, Not Doing

I am realizing something as I learn and grow. What I do – the methods I have perfected over the years – isn’t automatically the best thing, even if it seems to be working. Sometimes, what I do need a serious overhaul.

Take my learning, for instance. I love to learn. And I like learning about practical things. How to do something. How to improve an area of my life. I like to gather resources that will help me out and supplies that will make a practical application easier. It’s fun to try to figure out all of the ins and outs, getting everything lined up and perfectly in place so that the doing will be easier.

There’s just one problem. I can go on and on and on without exhausting all there is to learn, figure out, or plan. In the process of trying to make the doing easier, I neglect to get around to the doing.

I justify my behavior by watching those on the opposite end of the spectrum. They are the ones who dive in full-force, doing without putting any time or effort into figuring out how to do what they’re doing. Sometimes they accidentally succeed, but more often than not they blunder their way into a mess. Surely my way is better than theirs, isn’t it?

Except that they, at least, are doing something.

Learning, planning, and gathering tools are important. But, they are as useless as the blundering mess if I don’t actually take a step and act. I suppose fear is often what holds me back, just as impatience leads the go-getters to skip the learning stage. I am afraid that I’ve missed something. Afraid that I don’t know enough. Afraid of failure. Embarrassing, humiliating failure. (Maybe there’s a little bit of pride in there, too.)

I don’t ever want to stop learning and exploring. But, if at some point I don’t also step out and do, then I am not walking in obedience. I’m not glorifying Christ in all things. I’m not furthering His kingdom or pointing people to Him. Instead, I’m just filling my brain with information that could be useful but won’t be because I don’t act.

Learning is good only if it leads to doing.

I want to learn to do.

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Posted in Marriage Monday

Conflict Seen

I can’t remember when I first heard the “never argue in front of your children” advice. I definitely see the benefit. Children, especially at a young age, cannot process or handle the emotions that go with their parents arguing. It introduces insecurity and uncertainty. And that is a burden none of us want our precious children to bear.

And yet…

Have you ever met a young couple impacted by the fact that at least one of them never heard their parents so much as disagree with one another? I have. It’s an interesting sight. The first time this young couple has a disagreement, argument, or fight, the “sheltered” one is devastated. Convinced that the relationship must be doomed. Or, at the very least, certain that there must be something terribly wrong. After all, Mom and Dad never argued.

Or did they?

The undeniable, irrefutable, and even biblical truth is that all relationships are marred by sin. If we cannot even succeed in relating flawlessly to our perfect, pure heavenly Father, how can we possibly think we will ever relate perfectly to a fellow flawed human being? No matter how much love may exist in the relationship?

So, it follows that all married couples – yes, even the most grounded and mature – will have conflict in their marriage.

Now, let’s contemplate parenting for a moment. As parents, it is our responsibility to nurture and protect our children. But it is also our responsibility to teach and mold them. That includes finding opportunities to safely teach them how to handle the not-so-great (as well as the downright horrific) aspects of this world. We watch for opportunities to discuss and explain, exposing them to the difference between a godly home and what they will experience one day as adults trying to navigate this mess.

That brings us back to conflict between Mom and Dad. While on the one hand we do not want to air all our dirty laundry before our children, and we especially don’t want to show a divided front in parenting, I wonder if there might be times in which it is beneficial for our children to grasp that we are in conflict.

If they see us disagreeing, then see us work through the disagreement, then see us choose to hug and kiss and say, “I love you!” as we go our separate ways for the day, could that not bring benefit in the long run?

How many things have you learned about your spouse because you disagreed at some point? How have you matured in being able to swallow your own pride or offer a sincere apology or choose your words carefully? How much have you learned about the difference between arguments worth having and arguments not worth having? How has your prayer life grown?

When our children fight with one another, we step in and separate them. But, at some point, they are not going to have Mom or Dad around to step in and end the conflict. They are going to have to figure out how to end it themselves. They are going to have to learn how to find resolution and restore peace. How better to learn such things than to watch their own parents handle conflict in a manner that honors Christ?

Of course, the first step is for us effectively model handling conflict in a manner that honors Christ!

Our children are precious, and our hunger is to protect and nourish them. But, sometimes the best nourishment we can give them is to help them see how to live Christ-honoring lives in a dark and sinful world. And sometimes that means letting them see.

 

Posted in Wednesday Work, What I'm Learning

New Habits First

I was recently part of a book study group that processed through Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney. I already knew I struggled in so many areas of discipline. That study confirmed and enhanced that realization. A few of the disciplines are things that I have worked on in recent years and turned into habits – of sorts. But, I still have a long way to go.

One of the most immediate convictions was in the area of Scripture memory, probably because I’ve tried to start memorization efforts multiple times over the last few years, only to fail miserably every time. Since processing through the chapter on memorization, I have tried to restart the process and have had great intentions. There are note cards in my planner and I have a system. But, I still struggle to make progress.

I run out of time in my quiet time.

I forget to pull the cards out during the busy flow of the day.

I let multiple days go by between recitations, forcing me to backtrack and relearn.

After weeks of frustration, a realization hit me: last year when I wanted to start a new habit, I put it first. I wanted to read more books during my morning time. I knew I would dive into my Scripture reading every morning without fail. I didn’t want to diminish the importance of that in any way, but I knew how much time it typically required, so I read other books first, then switched over to the Bible at the appropriate time. Over the course of the next few months, I developed a habit of reading at least two different spiritual training books in additional to my Scripture and devotional reading.

Now I love it. Now it’s a habit. Now I will read additional books no matter when they fall in the morning routine. In fact, I have since returned Scripture reading to an earlier slot in the morning so as to ensure plenty of time for meditation. If I miss a day or two of my other books because I spend extra time meditating on the Word of God, that’s okay. The other reading is enough of a habit now that I know I will return to it.

Pondering this, I have realized that Scripture memory has always been at the tail end of my quiet time. When I run out of time because reading takes a while – which it always will! – it is too easy to drop the memorization off the end of my morning routine. So, I never make progress.

Could it be that easy? Could that truly be the simple, practical solution to establishing a habit of discipline?

It’s certainly worth a try! I can tap the voice recorder on my phone and recite those verses, playing them back later to check them. I can even work on it while pouring hot water into our French presses for coffee and Choffy – or while waiting for them to brew. Who knows? I might even end up taking a few notes here and there as I process what is being written on my heart and mind.

Discipline is often a matter of simplicity. Removing the gimmicks and tricks to try to apply something new and choosing instead to simplify. To shift details. To put new habits first on the list, knowing that everything else will fall into place behind it.

Posted in Friday Faith Nuggets

Be Still

Stillness. Solitude. Silence.

I was recently reminded (in a study through the book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney) just how necessary these disciplines are. And, when I am practicing them diligently, I definitely reap their benefits. But, oh how easy it is to fall out of that discipline! It does not take long to forget how to be still. How to soak up the solitude. How to embrace silence.

Any time there is a call to practice these disciplinary triplets, Ps 46:10 is bound to come up. It is regularly quoted and continually promoted as we attempt to step away from the chaos and truly embrace the presence of our God and Savior. But how often do we truly stop and contemplate the fullness of this particular psalm? What do we regularly recall of its context?

The opening verses speak of God’s presence in our trouble, even if the trouble is profound natural disaster. The awesome power of God’s voice and presence pound through the chaos in great might and victory. And that victory does not come in mildness. It is violent. Aggressive. He makes wars cease, but He does so through a show of power – a demonstration of the fact that He is, indeed, greater than all other kings put together and therefore has the authority to cause wars to cease.

In the midst of this, we get the well known instruction to “be still.”

Even though there is more to the verse, we put the emphasis on those two words – the “be still” part. We seek stillness. The ideal getaway. Sabbatical. The perfect season to stop and reconnect. And as we seek, we completely lose the context of what is being said here.

I re-evaluated this psalm lately by reading it in five commonly used translations, and here is what I found:

“Be still and know that I am God.” (KJV, ESV, NIV)
“Stop your fighting and know that I am God.” (CSB)
“Cease striving and know that I am God.” (NASB)

In the middle of an aggressive and blatant show of power, God practically bellows into the chaos, telling every power, every aggressor, every warrior, every nation to stop! Cease! Be still! And know that He is the only One in charge. Period. This is not a calm, reconnective moment. This is a show of true authority. It is seen in the middle of chaos. Utter and complete chaos that is shattered by the truth of God.

STOP! Be still! Stop your fighting! Cease striving!

Stillness is not a natural response to chaos. We keep pushing, keep working, keep trying to get on top. But God says stop and recognize who He is.

Can I? It bucks against everything my soul screams to do! It feels like giving up! It feels like surrendering in the most horrible of ways!

Will I? It is the epitome of obedience. It is surrender, but surrender to the One who controls the chaos in every way.

It is excruciatingly hard and incredibly vital.

So, I will be still, stop fighting, cease striving…
…and know that He is God.

 

Posted in Marriage Monday

Not My Best Friend

I have a confession: my husband is not my best friend. I’ve called him that before, but when I stop to think about it, I realize there is a different truth.

Now, before I go any further, let me emphasize that nothing I am about to say is intended to be critical of those who say their spouses are their best friends. That is great! It is wonderful! And, once

I share my perspective, you may end up laughing at me and saying, “It’s all just a matter of semantics, Ann.” But, I’m a writer. Semantics are important to me. So, hashing out these particular semantics is important to me.

Doug and I started our relationship as friends. Just friends. I respected Doug, admired him, and appreciated his friendship. But, I did not think of him in any other way.

Then our relationship changed. As we went from friends to good friends to becoming a couple, the way we interacted with one another became very different. And rightfully so. We were no longer in the friend zone. We were choosing to join ourselves together in a way that would always be unique to us.

As my husband of nearly 19 years, Doug knows me in a way no friend ever has. And, although the sexual intimacy is a part of that, it is a knowledge that goes far beyond the physical. It is a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical oneness that we share with no one else.

Is friendship a part of that? Yes, most definitely. But this is also very different from what we once were as friends.

I’ve had several “best friends” throughout my lifetime. As a child, I had stretches of life when I was close to various other girls. In high school, I experienced my first true close guy friend. In college, there were more – girls and guys – I grew close to. Could trust. I could pour my heart out to.

And I still have friends like that. I still desperately need friends like Doug was to me before we became a couple. I need girlfriends I can trust and interact with freely, comfortably, and safely. I am thankful for the men – often husbands of women I am close to – I can trust and depend on without fear of relational issues. And in my mind, one of the reasons I can enjoy those friendships without fear of relational issues is because my relational definitions mark Doug as my husband and my friends – both male and female – as individuals used by God to meet a completely different need in my life.

I love that there is something incredibly special about the marriage relationship. It is unique. One of a kind. Irreplaceable. An intrinsic, inseparable part of my life.

I am thankful for the difference. The distinction in my head. It allows me to freely interact with friends without contest or conflict. For Doug knows – at least I hope he does – that there is not a single friend on the face of the planet who can be who he is to me.

Not my best friend. My husband. What a glorious relationship!

Posted in Wednesday Work, What Works for Me

Diving

Reading has long been a part of my life. I will never forget the first book I could truly call my own. I started second grade in a school in Georgia while my parents participated in missionary orientation to prepare for the mission field. When my parents wrapped up their orientation and the time came for us to leave Georgia and await our field assignment, my teacher pulled me aside and told me how much she would miss me. Then she handed me a gift – a book. The book was Puff the Magic Dragon, and I read and reread that book more times that I could count. It was my very own, and it was a constant over the following year of change.

I have progressed a great deal in my reading since then, but it still amazes me how much there is to learn, not just from reading, but also about reading. I’ve mentioned before the commitment I made in 2016 to step up some of my reading, and since then I have discovered many new ways to help myself – a not-so-fast reader – process through my book pile more steadily.

One discovery that I’ve made is that some books require a deep dive just to read a small section. These books take a while to read – months, if not a year – because I plunge into a short section then need time to put the book down and slowly process in order to avoid the suffocation that comes from trying to stay that deep for too long or the mental bends that hit me when I surface too quickly. Those are the books that require reading, journaling, and pondering before reading again.

Other books spend an entire chapter diving to the same depths. They let the reader down gradually to the greatest point of depth, then slowly work their way back up to the surface, allowing mental processing during the reading process. This does not mean they are shallow books (I try to avoid those); they simply walk readers through the process of internalizing. As a result, they tend to pack less into a single book and are quicker reads.

Both types of books are useful. And, I’m learning the value of reading both types simultaneously.

I remember reading Knowing God by J.I. Packer right after reading a Max Lucado book. I enjoy Max Lucado. I learn a lot from his books. But they are quick, easy reads. Knowing God is not. It was like a shock to my system. And, where I had processed through Lucado’s book in a couple of weeks (about a chapter a day), it took me close to a year to read Knowing God. There were so many books waiting for me that I got discouraged and did not process the content like I should have.

How much better to read both at the same time! Half a chapter of Lucado and a small section of Knowing God, allowing each one to engage my brain and spiritual growth differently.

That is what I’ve learned to do over the past year. Not with those two examples (although I do intend to go back and reread Knowing God and all of our Lucado books at some point!), but with other titles. Every morning I have a Scripture reading, a devotional reading, and at least two other books that I read from. Just sections from each. And it has worked better than any other method I have ever tried.

How do you approach different types of diving?

 

Posted in Wednesday Work, What I'm Learning

Review & Remember

I learn a lot. Constantly. Maybe too constantly.

I learn things about my husband and children. I learn as I homeschool the kids. I learn about ministry. I learn new-to-me spiritual truths from Scripture. I learn new things about myself and ways I need to grow and change. I learn new skills through work. I learn and learn and learn.

The Proper Handling of Learning

I honestly love learning. It’s a passion instilled in my by my mother, who was constantly learning. I used to think she was insane, especially during my high school years when the intensity of my school schedule kept me constantly exhausted in my learning. But it didn’t take long to learn what she meant. It’s not just about the academic studying. It’s about an intake of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that transforms who we are and how we respond to life and grow in our relationship with Christ and others.

And that is the kicker. Sometimes I take in so much learning that I forget to truly let it transform me. I learn, but do not process and retain. It comes in and gets buried somewhere under the next round of learning.

Sort

Because I’m constantly sifting through new in-flows of information through morning reading, school, work, ministry, and life in general, it’s hard to slow down enough to truly process it in a way that allows me to grow from the learning. But, I have to. So, the first step is to sift through the influx of information. Is it information that will propel me closer to Christ and further His kingdom? Or is it simply information that I need to handle the needs of the moment? The former should be processed. The latter should be used and discarded, even if it has to be relearned later.

Process

The second step is to process that which needs to be retained. I need to record it in a way that imprints it on my heart and mind in the immediate and maintains it for future review. That’s why I always grow more effectively when I am diligent to journal raw thoughts so they can be contemplated, revisited, and remembered.

Practice

Thirdly, I must practice what I’ve learned. That is accomplished in a variety of ways. One way is by taking the raw thoughts of my journal and rehashing them in a way that is understood by others. This is accomplished through talking things out with my family, writing blog posts and articles, and teaching others through homeschooling, a Sunday school class, or individual mentoring.

An Experiment to Try

I encourage you to try an experiment with me. Before you go to bed tonight, find a notebook, journal, computer, or something to write a few notes on. Jot down one thing – just one – that you learned today that needs to be processed and implemented into your life. Spend just a few minutes writing out (or talking out into your phone’s voice recorder, if that’s more your style) your raw response to that one lesson.

When you get up tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and write down one action you can take to implement that lesson into your life through the course of the day.

Then, tomorrow night, write down how you grew through the implementation and add one more bit of learning (or an expansion on today’s learning) and start the process all over again.

Create a new habit that will allow you to sort, process, review, remember, and grow through the learning that bombards you each day. And may we all learn together in a way that grows us in our relationship to Christ and our ability to bring Him glory and grow His kingdom!