My mind goes everywhere. I begin to read, and I relish three verses. Then suddenly I’ve “read” three more without awareness.
I want to pray,
but instead ponder the day.
I want to praise,
but instead wonder why this or that has happened such and such a way.
I want to confess,
but I end up justifying.
It’s my enemy. And I let it right through my gates. I open the doors wide in welcome.
I let it turn my attention from You.
It’s not the electronics and the diversions and the family and the to-do list. Those are just the enablers. Those are just the things I keep around as scapegoats.
The problem is me.
My refusal to be disciplined.
My lack of willingness to invest in this relationship.
Who am I as a wife when I allow this destruction in my marriage? Who am I as a parent when I don’t listen to my children? Who am I as a friend when I allow silence to build between us?
You, my Lord and Savior, surpass them all. Yet here I am, as I am many days.
But not You.
You are always here. Always speaking. Always nudging. Always disciplining.
Not passively waiting. You’re too good a Father to leave it up to me.
You are active.
Today I honestly and fervently confess this choice of mine. This sin. And I feel the immediate peace of Your forgiveness. I know without asking that You will help me. But I ask anyway because I know that’s the first step – or the second after repentance – to conquering this sinful habit of distraction. And I know Your Spirit will nudge me each time I fall.
So, I ask.
Help me, Lord, to be attentive to You and conquer this beast.
I love You.