Thoughts from Books – Not Quite Ordinary

Do you have a happy place?

This question was mulling around in my mind one morning as I read a chapter in Longing for Joy by Alastair Stern. The first few chapters have had the potential to be a wee bit discouraging as the author explains that joy cannot be intentionally chosen, found, or created. It is instead rather elusive and seems somewhat haphazard.

What is the good of longing for it if it may or may not ever come to us?

And yet, oddly enough, the very nature of the discussion gives such hope. On that particular morning, I was reading chapter five, aptly entitled “Longing.” Woven throughout the chapter were descriptions of moments that seemed so full of joy and yet were also full of longing. Of an awareness that, no matter how amazing the moment, the joy was fleeting. Or incomplete. Or somehow lacking.

It all clicked in my heart and mind with an understanding, a greater appreciation for the moments and places of joy I’ve experienced throughout my life, and a realization that the longing — the incompletion even in those amazing moments — was all part of the amazing nature of joy. The reminder that there is still coming a time when our joy will be complete.

I’ve never longed more for the presence of God than in those places of incomplete joy, and it’s an amazing feeling.

In the early chapters of Longing for Joy, the author hints at the idea that, although we cannot choose joy on our own, we can cultivate a life that will welcome joy when it comes. That idea, combined with the awakened understanding of the longing that beautifully rests hand in hand with joy, made me realize something: my favorite spaces are the spaces where I can truly process joy. My happy places.

Oddly enough, they are the places where joy helps me process everything else, too.

I’m a nomad, so there aren’t many specific physical places where I feel at home. Home is life with Doug. Home is being able to continue to share life with my children, even as they transition into adulthood. But, there are still physical and geographic places that give me nourishment.

One of the earliest favorites place I can remember was a low, backless, stone bench on a hillside. The bench sat in the back yard of the house next to ours, one used by our mission group as a guest house or meeting place. Since it was typically unoccupied, it was easy for me to slip over there and enjoy the quiet. I could look out over the valley below us and up to the next hill where the ruins of an old crusader castle nestled at the top. That hill and the one next to it gave way to another valley in-between. Sometimes, when the air was clear, I could see more hills and valleys through the gap. In the haze of summer, I could barely see past those two hills. Still other times, fog rolled through the gap and across the valleys, looking like a cozy blanket.

It was my happy place growing up, and whenever I think of it I can’t help but smile. But, this morning I had an odd realization about my happy place: I wasn’t usually happy when I went there. I most often went when I was hurt or angry. When I just wanted to be alone or when I felt as if the weight of loneliness would suffocate me. When I was longing for life to slow down or aching for time to move more quickly. It was a place of tears. Of grieving. Of venting. Of longing and aching. Only very rarely did I go when I was happy and wanted to express joy. Usually I went because I longed for joy to find and rescue me.

And yet, although I know I had places of joy before then, that is the place my mind always returns to when I think of a foundational place of joy.

How can that be possible?

It took that chapter on longing to help me realize that joy often comes when we allow ourselves to process all of our emotions. There was nothing awesome about that stone bench. It was, in fact, quite uncomfortable to sit there for any length of time. And though I did love the view, it wasn’t perfect or extraordinary. Even so, that bench and the view it overlooked represented the space where I went to let everything go. Where I truly stopped to analyze my thoughts and feelings. Where I was most likely to be honest with myself.

It was the place where joy most easily found me during my growing up years, either helping me process my crazy thoughts and emotions or embracing me after I released them.

I haven’t been back to that spot in nearly 30 years, but I’ve found others like it. And now I realize what it is that makes those spaces special. Now I see that they are spaces that give me permission to stop and process. To take all of my thoughts and feelings, both good and bad, and let them soar in openness and honesty. To really see myself and determine what’s good and what’s not so good. To let myself feel. To let myself be. And to make myself hear what the Spirit is speaking into my emotions and circumstances.

In the middle of it all, I get a glimpse of what joy looks like. I see what I’m truly longing for. I understand what it is I’m seeking. And I can equip myself to go back and live a life that cultivates space for joy and gives permission to the longing for it.

There’s no magic formula for a place that produces joy. But there is a space for me that makes joy more tangible, even when all I take in with me is sorrow and ache. It’s a beautiful place to be.

Note: The image is a painting my mom did for me, showing the crusader castle mentioned above. It hangs above the mantle in our living room, reminding me of my favorite view from my growing up years, seen both from that stone bench and from my bedroom window.

I recently reread a fiction series that has long been a favorite of my entire family. It’s called The Staff and the Sword, written by Patrick W. Carr.

I can still remember the first time I read the series. By the end of the first book I had more questions than answers. Of course, so did most of the characters. The second book clarified some things, but the third book…exploded. Preconceptions were challenged. Mental horizons were forced to expand. Traditions were shattered. But in the process, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place.

The series is deep enough that I see new things every time I read it. But there is one bold and vivid concept that gets me every time I read the series: The question frames the answer. Without giving too much away (because it’s a series worth reading and I don’t want to spoil it for you if you decide to pick it up), bear with me a bit while I give some very basic context.

In the series, a group of characters known as readers are responsible for gleaning the will of God through the process of casting lots. This process involves holding a question and a potential answer firmly in mind while carving a perfectly round lot out of wood or stone.

The reader can then move on to create a lot with another possible answer to the same question, again holding both the question and answer firmly in mind. There’s a catch, though. The answers have to be somewhat known to the reader casting the lots. For instance, imagine casting lots to determine a destination. Should you go to this location or that one? The reader must know those destinations personally, or must have a solid enough description of them to picture them vividly and accurately while casting. That limits the cast a bit, does it not?

Early in the narrative, that seems to be the main catch. But, that pesky line keeps popping up through the course of the entire series, hinting that there’s more to contend with. The question frames the answer. Ultimately, this ends up being pivotal for the plot. But, with this reread of the series, I’ve gotten the uneasy feeling that this very concept is relevant to real life as well.

Most especially to our prayer life. Our own avenue to seeking and understanding the will of God.

I’ve always been one who likes checklists and step-by-step instructions. I like to do things the “right” way. In a way, this fictional depiction of casting lots appeals to me. There’s a right way to cast. Readers have an inherent capability that they are born with, but then they spend years studying both the history and mechanics of their craft, learning how to cast properly. It’s a factual process, with guidelines and rules to follow.

But, as the story progresses, it becomes evident that there is much more to the craft than simply doing it “right.” And that translates well into our prayers lives. As we pray, there is a need for understanding. A need to grasp the nature of the God we are seeking to communicate with. When Jesus says, “Ask and you will receive,” it’s in the middle of a whole lengthy discourse on the nature of thinking beyond our rules and regulations. It’s a discussion of understanding the heart of the Father we serve. Understanding His purpose behind the rules and instructions. Asking in prayer for guidance based on His character.

And our prayerful questions, both the specific words and the nature behind the asking, reveal greatly whether or not we know His character. Whether or not we are in tune enough to receive the answer. Because the answer to our questioning is very often something beyond our knowledge and understanding. It is something that may even be beyond our imagination. The answer is not just a direction about what to do or where to go next, it is a deeper understanding of the God we serve.

That’s more than a little uncomfortable, whether you are someone like me who loves the tangible or you’re someone who has an imaginative mind. God’s answers go beyond both. And He wants to teach us how to ask the questions that will reveal those powerful answers.

It’s an overwhelming path to follow, but I want to go. I want to follow the path that will teach me to better frame the question. The path that will help me seek answers beyond my limited understanding. The path that will draw me closer to communing with and knowing Almighty God. Will you come with me?

Category: Thoughts from Books

The Place of Joy

Questions and Answers