Category: What I Do

Posted in Thoughts from Life, What I Do

Editing

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Lately, I’ve carried around thoughts that have been weighing on me for a while. Ideas that I’ve wanted to share but haven’t been sure how to. One day, the thoughts finally flowed. It worked. I was able to tap out hundreds of words. I won’t say it was easy, but it definitely didn’t feel like struggle and strain that had been plaguing me.

That is an oddity in my writing, to be honest. Some of it I can tap out quickly, edit quickly, and then post without concern. Some of it I can tap out quickly, but editing is a different story. It needs to sit and wait at least a day, and sometimes much more. A week or even a month or two. I process by blurting out my thoughts as quickly as they come, but then I am able to prayerfully review, asking the Lord for wisdom, guidance, and clarity as I edit and rewrite.

Some thoughts I tap out quickly then never publish. Others I labor over, starting and then stopping, somehow knowing when it’s finally solid. And then there are the times when the laborious approach means I never get around to finishing at all, which is what I’d feared would be the case with these recent thoughts. Sometimes that’s fine. Other times, it leads me to silence when I should be getting my thoughts out there.

In my younger years, I was a lot quicker to publish than I am these days. I wrote, edited, and then clicked that little button without much thought. Then I hit a stage of life where I doubted everything I wrote. So, even when I wrote and edited, I second guessed whether or not I should publish. More often than not, I never did, even with the most simple of posts.

I’m now coming back to the center of the pendulum swing, sometimes writing quickly and confidently and other times thinking and pondering a little more deeply. Obviously, I’m still learning. There are many things I say poorly. There are things I say that I shouldn’t. And other things that I should say but don’t. But I’m learning.

And I’m always editing. Always.

For today’s post, the question guiding both my writing and my editing is…what is the point? Why am I even writing this? (For the record, that sometimes shuts me down as well — I realize that I’m just jabbering with no real point.) I think the answer is this: our words are important. They matter. They should be shared. But they should all be shared carefully. Even the most mundane of statements needs to be held up against the backdrop of God’s Word.

It all needs editing.

I don’t always run a quick edit on my thoughts before they jump verbally from my mouth. I don’t always edit a text, Discord, or social media message before I hit enter. As a result, I often make huge mistakes despite innocent intentions. I cause hurt when I only wanted to help.

Editing doesn’t always solve that problem, but my goal is that I’ll learn more and more to heeding the Spirit’s guidance in editing every word I say or type. That I will listen to Him first. That I will be His conduit more than just someone who jabbers and writes.

Editing is the best avenue I know to accomplish that. It slows me down and makes me think.

Yes, I think that’s the point today. And it’s why you get this post today instead of the thoughts I’ve written but still need to process. Because editing is always important, and I want to be faithful to edit under the Lord’s guiding hand, whether I’m talking about editing or processing much deeper thoughts.

Posted in Thoughts, What I Do

When I Don’t Know What to Do

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

It’s always amazing to me how, even as we grow, we face similar struggles at each level of growth. There are new dynamics, and old lessons means we have different tools to use as we work through the struggles than we might have in earlier seasons. But, the struggles carry a similarity, allowing us to need reminders of what we’ve learned in the past.

Today is a good example for me. This is another old post, one from over eight years ago. But it was a timely reminder today, one I needed in facing some of the struggles around me right now. I’m thankful both for reminders of growth and reminders of the tools I have in place to handle the things I’m facing today.

Have you ever been pulled from a place of belonging into a phase of uncertainty? From a place of confidence in your skills to a moment of feeling as if you really have nothing to offer? What do you do in those moments?

Hold Loosely

Last week, a sermon illustration reminded me of the importance of holding everything so very loosely. Allowing God to give and take away for His glory. It was not a new concept. I’ve heard it time and time again – and tried to live by it diligently. Yet, while standing in the middle of a long stretch of time in which my confidence has been challenged again and again, God knew I needed the reminder to hold loosely to everything.

So, what do you do when you don’t know what to do? You hold loosely. Surrender. Trust.

Admittedly, I don’t do any of that easily. Especially when my confidence is being stripped. When I feel like I don’t really have a place. When it seems as if I’m not doing anything well – or that I’m outright failing.

But the Lord never promised it would come easily. In fact, He promised suffering. He promised struggle. He promised challenge.

And He promised Himself right in the middle of it.

He Does Best When I Can’t

I know this all seems much more spiritual than practical. But, in truth, it’s very practical. Because what I do – every single aspect of what I do – is riddled with insecurity. I never experience a day when I don’t feel like I am failing in at least one area of life – being a wife or a mom or a pastor’s wife or a teacher or an editor or an employee or a whatever-else-I’m-doing-at-the-moment. Or all of the above.

Only when I hold it all loosely is the Holy Spirit capable of performing the jobs through me. And only then do I see success.

That makes “holding loosely” a very practical part of what I do. Even if it’s a part I forget regularly and have to be reminded of.

Hold loosely, my friend. Be ready to let Christ be the success, not you.

And be ready to remind me of this very thing tomorrow, because I’ll need it!

Posted in What I Do, Work & Life

Should I Say That?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Years ago, I started writing because random thoughts would hit my brain and I’d want to flesh them out. Then I’d want to share them. There isn’t always a lot of consistency to those thoughts. Sometimes they are triggered by my morning Bible reading. Other times relational interaction give me pause.

There are responses to events around me, random mental pictures that I want to flesh out, new habits and practices that work for me that I want to share, and just general thoughts or ideas that come to mind.

Sometimes these ideas flow faster than I can process them. Other times it can be a disturbingly long time between ideas. But that’s another discussion for another day. (Yes, I have notes on it already!)

For today, though, the thought is this: should I really write about everything that comes to mind?

You probably already know the answer to that. It’s a resounding NO for a wide variety of reasons. But I’m not always incredibly wise about how I invest my writing time. So, I need to set myself some guidelines and boundaries to help me process what to say. And that’s what I have to say today…a glimpse into those guidelines!

Does it stick?

The best ideas are those that have staying power. The ones that I can set aside and then come back to and still know how to flesh out — and maybe even have the ability to flesh them out better than when I first had the ideas.

Now, this doesn’t mean it just floats around in my head. I’ve lost a lot of great, “sticky” ideas by not writing them down! But, if I can jot down a few notes (a brief theme or title followed by 3-5 sentences or bullet points to serve as reminders) then come back a few days, weeks, or even months later and flesh it out, it’s definitely an idea that has stuck. That makes it worth considering.

Does it grow?

Mental images of The Blob aside, good ideas really need to grow and evolve. What starts as a brain tickle needs to develop substance if it’s going to be useful for myself or anyone else.

Even a “sticky” idea can prove to have little more substance than those brief notes I jotted down. While the lack of growth doesn’t mean it never needs to be shared, it’s really not worth it to take those few bullet points and just add fluff without substance. There’s enough of that floating around. I don’t need to add to it. There are other avenues for sharing those thoughts. After all, if we would all share a few more brief, positive thoughts on social media, it might be a more encouraging place to hang out!

Does it relate?

This is a big one. I have written a lot of things that have never seen the light of day. They stay on my computer or in my journal. Why? Because they aren’t relevant to anyone other than me. That’s not to say that there aren’t other people processing the same things. But, there are certain things we shouldn’t throw out into the wild. If we share them, they should be shared privately with individuals for the purpose of encouraging and strengthening one another.

While nothing I write is relevant to everyone, it’s important to have wisdom to know when what I write is not really relevant for public sharing at all.

Does it honor Christ?

Not everything I write is a Bible thought. It doesn’t always have a spiritual theme or express ideas of faith.

And yet…

I am a Christian. That means I am a citizen of the kingdom of God. My number one priority in life should be allegiance to the Lord Jesus Christ and God the Father. Period. Even if I am writing a random tip about life, it should never, ever contradict that allegiance. My writing can’t be neutral. It is either nourishing others in their lives of allegiance — or sparking the interest of those outside the kingdom — or it is an act of rebellion. Treason. There is no middle ground.

That can sound harsh, but when you swear allegiance to something, it’s an all or nothing reality. You are either for or against. No one is ever truly neutral.

So, the things I write should reflect that I am growing in the fruit of the Spirit, even if I struggle in that growth, and that I hunger to serve my Lord.

Am I always diligent to answer all of these questions before I write or publish something? No, I’m not. But when I look back on what I’ve written over the years, the things that fit all of these are the ones that still hold true (and that I still like even after all this time). I hope that in the coming years I will become increasingly faithful to hold to these guidelines, confident in the words that are pouring forth from my fingers.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, What I Do

Day Two

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Day One was a good day. Well, for writing at least.

All of my timing worked out. Even with a slightly sluggish start to the morning, I got in my exercise, morning devotional reading, and school with my son and still had time to spare before I needed to clock into work.

So, I sat down to a blank screen and had just over 1000 words written before it was time to quit. For the first time in a while, the ideas and the words came together to flow into productivity.

On the one hand, that’s a great thing. Day One success can be so helpful to get up and do Day Two. Then Day Three. Making it a habit.

But, Day One success can also be a struggle.

The very next morning, I procrastinated for 30 minutes. I wrote some reviews because that was easy and safe. I sent a couple of check-in chats on Marco Polo. I cleared my inbox.

Why?

Because I was scared to sit down to another blank screen and not have Day Two go like Day One did. On Day One, I had ideas before I ever sat down. On Day Two, I was going to have to sit down first and see if the ideas came to me.

That’s just plain intimidating.

And for over half an hour, I let that fear and intimidation keep me from even trying. I let it eat away at the time I had available to write. I let it distract me.

But I finally made it. I started tapping away at the keyboard, and the very experience of the morning gave me something to write about. I didn’t have as much time to write because of all the time I wasted. I wouldn’t make it to 1000 words. I probably wouldn’t even make half that. But I showed up, and that very act showed me that I actually did have something to say.

Here’s the deal, though. On Day Three — or Day Twelve or Day One Hundred and Fifty-Seven — I might actually sit down to a blank screen and have…nothing. At some point, my fears will become reality.

But I’m also realizing something else. On those days I’ll still have something to do. I’ll have a folder of rough drafts ready to be edited. I’ll have a folder of completed drafts ready to be published. I’ll have something to work with. Why? Because I sat down on Day One and turned my thoughts into typed words. I sat down on Day Two and conquered my intimidation.

On Day Two, I confirmed the habit of doing it anyway. Of sitting down with the intention of working toward being a writer once again. This is a part of me that has been dormant for far too long. And because of that, I’ve been incomplete. I need this.

So, I’ll do it.

I’ll do it on the days when I have the ideas before I even sit down to the computer — and then enjoy seeing those ideas materialize into coherent content. I’ll do it on the days when I have the ideas but then can’t seem to get them out coherently. I’ll do it on the days when there are no ideas beforehand, but something comes to me because I make myself do it anyway.

I’ll do it on the days when there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. At all.

What have you allowed to slip? What have you not done because you’re not getting around to being yourself? What have you allowed intimidation to keep you from doing?

What can you do today to get started? To reinforce what you’ve started but are afraid to continue? To keep going even when you’ve hit a dry spell on something that’s been going so well? To grow and improve in something you’ve been doing diligently?

No matter the obstacles before you today…do it anyway.

Posted in What I Do, Wonderments

A Habit and a Smile

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I have been sitting here for 15 minutes, trying to decide what to write.

I want to write something. Anything. I want to make myself re-establish the habit of writing. But, at the end of the day, my brain is tired. My creativity is shot. My attitude it not always so great. And the writing doesn’t always flow.

Besides that, I have to be off the computer by 8:00 or I won’t sleep well. So here I sit, at 7:45, tempted to just give up and not write anything.

And that, my friend, is how habits come to be formed – or broken.

Once upon a time, I wrote regularly. It was a habit. Occasionally, the words just didn’t flow, but I could usually get back to it in the next day or two. Until the day I couldn’t. Maybe I’d invested all of my ideas in my work writing for Well Planned Gal or one of my other side writing jobs. Or I was just brain-tired too many days in a row. Or I’d had a day (or a week or month) of spiritual distance and disconnect, and I felt like I had nothing left to say because I wasn’t really listening to the nudges and guidances of the Holy Spirit – the only one who can make my creativity flourish in a truly meaningful manner!

So one day flowed into another day. And another. And then my habit became to give up.

Tonight, I don’t want to give up. Tonight is my last chance to write for the rest of the week because I don’t have another free evening. So, tonight, I’m just writing the first thing that comes to my head: thoughts about changing my habit.

Whenever I read about spiritual growth, whether in Scripture or the various other books I’ve worked through lately, I’m reminded just how much I struggle with discipline. How often I falter. How easily I give into the pouty “I don’t want to” attitude.

The thing about being undisciplined is that it affects even the most enjoyable aspects of life. I not only don’t want to eat right or exercise or devote the energy to prayer or diligence with my schedule. I also no longer want to create. Because creating takes effort, too. Even when it’s fun.

I love to write. But, sitting down to do it – to try to put my thoughts into coherent words, to be vulnerable at times, to open myself up to be criticized or ignored – takes discipline, just like any other aspect of growth and health. And at the end of the day, it’s so easy to convince myself that I’m done. I’m tired. I just don’t have anything left to give.

And I don’t. But God does. He never tires. He never runs out of creativity to share.

And now, I’m smiling. Because I’m realizing something. I don’t need to force one more boost of energy to write tonight. I just need to open myself up to let the Holy Spirit’s energy and creativity flow. Yes, it takes discipline. Yes, it takes a decision to sit down and write. But it can flow, if I let it.

And now, fifteen minutes later, I have well over 500 words. Not a great article or anything super deep or meaningful. In fact, this is more for me than for anyone else. Because it’s the re-creation of a habit. A habit that doesn’t demand I write every day or that I publish everything I write, but that motivates me to write when I do have the space. To choose to not give up and walk away. To write something, even if I only have fifteen minutes in which to do it. And I’ve taken the first step.

Yes, that definitely makes me smile.

Posted in What I Do

My “Thing”

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Do you have any idea how many writers there are out there?

This year I have discovered quite a few new favorite authors and have marveled at the way they are able to put their thoughts into words. At the way they are able to devote the time and energy into researching, writing, and seeing their work to the finish line.

I see articles written by amazing bloggers who have a knack for communicating.

I am surrounded by a family of powerful imagination and vivid talent.

Every time I turn around, I meet another writer, whether someone who has achieved official publication or not. They have a message to share through story or essay or book, and they have an incredible ability to put that message into the written word in a way that draws and engages readers.

Writers are everywhere.

And then, there’s me.

I am compelled to write, even if no one else reads. I speak more succinctly when I have first written. I think more clearly when I hash out thoughts in a written form. I communicate more efficiently with my fingers than with my mouth. I can even speak in other “voices,” much like an actor who excels at impressions.

But when it comes to truly succeeding as a writer like those authors and bloggers and talented family members, I fall short. Why? Because when the time comes to sit down at the keyboard or pick up a pen and paper, I hesitate. I shrink back. I make excuses. I flip through a journal full of inspiration and ideas, but then convince myself that the thoughts were really only meant for me. For my own growth. Besides, I should not be journaling in for blog fodder. The more I mark journal thoughts and ideas for sharing, the more I’m tempted to just journal for the sake of blogging, not for the sake of learning. So, if I don’t use those ideas at all, I won’t be tempted to ignore what God needs to do in my own heart. I will be processing for me, not for content fodder.

At least, so I tell myself.

But the truth is that I am allowing laziness and feelings of inadequacy to rule the day. I find a moment to write and then find every excuse in the book to not follow through. Lack of inspiration. Thoughts won’t flow. So many other things I should be doing. If the words don’t write themselves in the first few minutes, I walk away.

And every time I walk away, I strengthened the unsettled feeling of my spirit. The feeling that comes from not being vulnerable through the written word.

What is your “thing”? What is the compelling drive, the delight, the freedom you are neglecting? What do you feel too inadequate to accomplish? What passion do you allow laziness to thwart? What do you claim to have no time for yet refuse to do when even a small pocket of time presents itself? What do you ignore because you cannot complete it according to your unrealistic and perhaps ridiculous standard of perfection?

Standing here, writing these words, I’m still tempted to keep them hidden. I actually typed out a post, but is it worth the posting? Even if it is, can keep up the flow tomorrow? Next week? Will I write again soon, or will months pass?

But those are perfectionism questions, irrelevant to what I share today. Right here. For today, I will do my “thing” and let tomorrow handle itself.

Will you join me? Will you do your “thing” today, no matter what perfectionism says? No matter what inadequacy says? Even if motivation doesn’t strike immediately? I invite you to come along and join me. As I write these last words, I can honestly say it’s worth the effort.

Posted in What I Do, Work & Life

Learning, Not Doing

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I am realizing something as I learn and grow. What I do – the methods I have perfected over the years – isn’t automatically the best thing, even if it seems to be working. Sometimes, what I do need a serious overhaul.

Take my learning, for instance. I love to learn. And I like learning about practical things. How to do something. How to improve an area of my life. I like to gather resources that will help me out and supplies that will make a practical application easier. It’s fun to try to figure out all of the ins and outs, getting everything lined up and perfectly in place so that the doing will be easier.

There’s just one problem. I can go on and on and on without exhausting all there is to learn, figure out, or plan. In the process of trying to make the doing easier, I neglect to get around to the doing.

I justify my behavior by watching those on the opposite end of the spectrum. They are the ones who dive in full-force, doing without putting any time or effort into figuring out how to do what they’re doing. Sometimes they accidentally succeed, but more often than not they blunder their way into a mess. Surely my way is better than theirs, isn’t it?

Except that they, at least, are doing something.

Learning, planning, and gathering tools are important. But, they are as useless as the blundering mess if I don’t actually take a step and act. I suppose fear is often what holds me back, just as impatience leads the go-getters to skip the learning stage. I am afraid that I’ve missed something. Afraid that I don’t know enough. Afraid of failure. Embarrassing, humiliating failure. (Maybe there’s a little bit of pride in there, too.)

I don’t ever want to stop learning and exploring. But, if at some point I don’t also step out and do, then I am not walking in obedience. I’m not glorifying Christ in all things. I’m not furthering His kingdom or pointing people to Him. Instead, I’m just filling my brain with information that could be useful but won’t be because I don’t act.

Learning is good only if it leads to doing.

I want to learn to do.

Posted in What I Do, Work & Life

Do It Anyway

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I’m a writer.

For a long time, I resisted referring to myself that way. I did not feel that my piddly efforts truly qualified me to claim the title. I accepted the title of blogger. I talked about my love for writing. But, a writer? No, that was a title for someone who made a living writing. Someone who did not have a gazillion other things taking precedence. Someone I could only hope to be someday.

My husband finally helped me realize my faulty reasoning. I may not be writing the way I would love to be writing, but I am a writer. I can’t get away from that reality.

Unfortunately, being a writer does not automatically mean it comes easily. It does not always produce the results I hope for or flow as consistently as I would desire. The blog I hope to keep constantly fresh sometimes remains stagnant. The stories and ideas that have floated in my head for years are still there, changing, evolving, and growing as they wait to be birthed.

But one thing I have learned is this: if I do not write, I do not produce. If I do not write regularly, I do not write well. If I do not remain in practice, I do not enjoy writing. It still stirs within me. I still feel compelled to do it. But, it is much harder than it should be. My brain does not work as it should – not just in writing, but in all areas of life!

So, I have learned a very important lesson: I have to just go ahead and write. Constantly. Continuously. No matter what it is or where it ends up. It might remain in a Scrivener note, hiding away until I revisit it months or years later to re-evaluate whether or not it is even worth publishing. It might be something for work that will not even bear my name. Perhaps it is something that will go into another publication. Maybe it is a letter or e-mail, expressing my thoughts to a friend or a reference helping another friend secure a job or position.

I have to go ahead and write even if the thought is terrible. Even if the flow just won’t come. Even if the idea is good, but the implementation will need a lot of work before anyone can make any sense of it.

Whatever the case may be, I just have to do it.

There are a lot of things that stand in the way of writing. Time pressures of life as I balance homeschooling, work, and ministry responsibilities with being available to my family and being engaged with friends. Negative thoughts and feelings that flow through my mind on a daily basis telling me I’m not good enough. A to-do list that screams, “This is more important!” The extra things of design and social interaction that seem required in the writing world these days – things I’m not really that good at. The need to learn more about writing, even as I’m working to do it with what I know.

So many things try to distract and derail me. But, I have to do it anyway.

What is it that you need to “do anyway”? What talents and skills has God laid upon you that must be practiced, honed, and utilized daily? What is it that seems to be threatened on all sides by the rest of life?

Whatever it may be, do it anyway. It’s worth it. Then encourage someone else – including me! I may not like it, but I know I’ll need the reminder tomorrow.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, What I Do

Working Mom

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I have a question for you. When you think of your identity, what title do you give to yourself? I have several. Pastor’s Wife. Homeschool Mom. Writer. Editor. And, up until recently, Stay at Home Mom.

Has something changed? you might ask. In fact, I can almost see the wondering on the faces of some friends, wondering if I’ve suddenly decided to put the kids in school and work outside the home. And, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more of a discovery.

Defining Stay at Home Mom

It’s a realization that for many, many years, I’ve struggled with my role as a mom.

I have this mental definition for the “Stay at Home Mom” title. It’s a mom who essentially structures her life around the care of her home and family. Everything else is secondary.

For fifteen years, I’ve called myself a stay at home mom. But, can I share a little secret with you? I have never fit the boundaries of my own definition, and I have always felt the conflict of that without ever understanding why.

Just recently, it all clicked in my head when I realized that I have actually worked for nine of my fifteen years of motherhood. And, in the years I didn’t work, I always had something specific to focus on. In the early years of motherhood, it was photo editing. I loved to take pictures, keep them well organized on my computer, and edit them in a variety of ways. Later, I started writing and discovered the world of product and book reviews. Only now do I see that I looked upon both of those “hobbies” as jobs.

Only now do I see that I’m not really a stay at home mom, and I never have been. On the contrary, I have always been a working mom. The whole time.

A Beautiful Mental Shift

Admitting that is a big deal for me, because I realize I have always felt a bit ashamed of my jobs – ashamed that I enjoyed them more than keeping up with my home or cooking for my family. It’s not that I preferred being away from my family. Quite the contrary! I love being with my family. But, I’ve always preferred the work that is not home related. The more I loved my jobs, the more I felt like a stay-at-home mom failure.

Something about the simple admission that I am a working mom changes so much in my head. You see, like many of my friends who also work – some from home and others outside the home, both in part-time and full-time capacities – I still prioritize my family. I shape my work options around doing what’s best for my family. I work in a way that allows me to homeschool. I work in a way that makes me available to my children when they need me, while still setting parameters and boundaries for work time. My family is no less of a priority. But, the care of my home is not my job. It’s a joint responsibility for every family member.

I cannot even begin to explain how that admission has eliminated conflict for me. That realization has helped me interact better with my children. It will allow me to share responsibilities of home care more freely, rather than feeling like a failure because I thought I couldn’t keep up with my job.

I’m a work in a way that most vibrantly nourishes my family working mom.

And, do you know what? I still highly value stay at home moms. But I also absolutely love who I am and what I do.

What about you? What title have you adopted? Does it fit?