The clock is ticking.
I sat down at the appropriate time to start writing. But this morning, the brain is just completely uncooperative. I’ve tried to start several things, but couldn’t flesh them out. I’ve tried to complete in-progress thoughts, but they all continue to fizzle.
And the clock keeps ticking. I have an end point. A deadline. A time when I am obligated to other things. I can’t just sit here and stare at a blank screen until thoughts work. Or until I’m able to take one of my ideas or post starters and turn it into something viable.
So, I want to give up. I want to look at that clock and say there’s no way I’ll produce anything in the time left, so why bother? I want to give in to the emotions and voices in my head telling me it’s pointless. That I have nothing today, so why even try? I want to just give over, once again, to the seeming reality that this is pointless.
I’ve done it before. Why not again?
Because it’s never truly worked. I’ve never been satisfied. I’ve never been relieved to walk away. I’ve always been antsy and frustrated with myself, because I know trying is what I’m supposed to do.
So, I’m tapping out meaningless words that may never go anywhere. May never see the light of day. Just to say I’m doing. In hopes that exercising the muscle today, no matter how lightly, will result in being able to actually work it tomorrow. Will result in some measure of productivity. Will help me actually be able to think and communicate and share.
I’m doing today for the sake of tomorrow.
Tomorrow will probably be a struggle, too, but I’ll do tomorrow for the sake of the next day. And the next. And the next.
And maybe someday I’ll have something real. All because I didn’t give up, give in, or give over today.
