Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts from Scripture

Thus Far & Beyond

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

In my personal writing files, I have all sorts of little notes with topics I’d love to write about. I include memory triggers and thoughts, but none of them are fleshed out. Yet, so many times as I sit down to write, I read through the old thoughts intending to utilize them, only to end up writing something new. The new might be inspired by the old, but it’s never quite a fleshing out of those old thoughts.

Eventually, I want to go back and flesh out those old thoughts. But as I sit down today and start from scratch yet again, I’m reminded why it’s so important for me to jot down those thoughts, even if I never use them to create a blog post, article, or even a book chapter (maybe someday!).

Those thoughts are my Ebenezers.

The Bible is replete with remembrances. The Israelites are continually pointed back to their origins and the stories of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Even in the New Testament, the majority of Stephen’s sermon as he is on trial before the Jewish leaders recalls the history of Israel (Acts 7). Remembrance of the work of God in this world is critical to our growth. We cannot go forward if we do not build on what brought us here in the first place.

And that is why, in 1 Samuel 7, the prophet Samuel set up a stone and named it Ebenezer. He knew the people needed a tangible reminder of God’s work among them, not only His historical work of their exodus from Egypt and early settlement in the land of promise, but also of His recent work in redeeming them after they had turned from Him yet again.

Scripture is my solid foundation. It is the history that I must know and constantly learn more about in order to grow. But, my Ebenezers are my personal experiences. They are my “thus far the Lord has helped ME” reminders. They are personal.

But I cannot stop there.

“Thus far” indicates that this is not the end. God wants to take me further. Where I have been is critical, for all of my past experiences are critical building blocks of my faith. And I need to remember and revisit those lessons. I need to keep them in my heart and mind and even go back and dust them off and clean them up now and then to make sure those lower blocks are not decaying as I try to build on top of them.

But, if I only reminisce on and flesh out my Ebenezers, then I am effectively preventing any new growth. I’m keeping the lower blocks clean and fresh, but never adding to them. That causes me to transfer my focus to the Ebenezers themselves and away from the Lord who has brought me to each and every point.

So, today, I am enjoying going back and reading through some of those Ebenezers. And, at some point, I’ll probably flesh them out and share them, little by little. But for today, I’m building a new block. I’m setting a new stone. I’m thanking the Lord for His faithfulness to bring me even further, past my last Ebenezer and to my current one.

Thus far the Lord has helped me. And, oh how beautiful to know that He will not stop here!

Posted in What Works for Me

A Little Digging

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I’m a little odd when it comes to solving problems. You see, I don’t want to do something just because that’s the way it’s done or because a number of people recommend it.

If I choose an avenue or solution, I want to do it because it works for me or my family.

That means I’m not going to automatically reject something because it’s a fad or a common solution. But, I’m also not going to automatically select it.

Here’s an example. A couple of months ago, I suffered for a week from an ear infection. Now, I don’t like going to the doctor. Don’t get me wrong – I am so incredibly thankful for available medical care. But, if I can find an alternative, I’d rather not pump my body full of medications, even the OTC pain relievers and various allergy meds we keep on hand at home, and deal with the side effects.

This time, though, my ear hurt. Badly. So, I went to an urgent care clinic and got the dreaded steroids, 10 days of antibiotics, and prescription strength antihistamine/decongestant.

It didn’t work. Oh, the steroids helped bring the pain back down to a manageable level, but over two weeks later, my ear still bothered me, and I was still sick. Doug had found some homeopathic ear drops that were supposed to boost my body’s natural ability to deal with an ear infection. I’d been using them sporadically while following the doctor’s prescribed treatment plan, but after the antibiotic was gone, I finally decided to stop all other meds and use the ear drops aggressively. Within two days, the issue was gone.

Why? Because that’s what works for my body.

  • Four out of five family members have experienced migraines. We take magnesium instead of prescription strength medication. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for all of us.
  • We all use essential oils and local honey instead of medication for allergies as often as possible.
  • We prefer homemade laundry detergent over store bought.
  • We like to use simple ingredients for cooking instead of boxed ingredients.

It’s not because we’re anti-medication, anti-doctor, anti-chemical organic health nuts. We’re not. In fact, it drives me crazy to be fanatical about any one method or fad. There are too many options out there to be fanatical about any single one. Certain diets. Plexus. Various essential oil companies claiming to be the best. A push for organic. Anti this and anti that.

My family doesn’t make choices because we’re sold on any specific plan. Instead, we make choices based on what our experimentation shows works for us.

  • Choffy has been a beautiful help for ADD, anxiety, and any potential blood pressure issues – besides just being a delicious and healthy warm beverage for the mornings.
  • We are expanding our usage of essential oils because the ones we’ve already experimented with have worked so well. It’s time to try more.
  • We planted fruit trees in our yard not because we want to be organic but because we go through a TON of fruit.
  • We make our own laundry detergent because our recipe cleans clothes better than the store-bought options, and is cheaper.
  • We cook from scratch because it’s cheaper and the reduced preservatives truly do keep us feeling better.

But, all of this takes a little digging. A little research. A little experimentation. It can be uncertain and confusing at times to dig on our own. There’s so much information to sort through! So many possibilities! So much conflicting information. And we’re all unique. So, we can’t just take someone else’s word for it. We have to experiment for ourselves, learn what works best for us, and advise other people accordingly.

I’m learning more and more how to dig, and it’s becoming more and more fun.

Have you done any digging? What has worked for you? What you share just might help the rest of us in our digging!

Posted in Marriage

The Way We Think

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

As homeschooling has developed and grown over the years, many families have discovered a fantastic reality: school doesn’t always have to look like school! Homeschoolers have the beautiful freedom to tailor an education to a single child. This fall, I don’t have to walk my youngest through fourth grade the same way I taught his older sisters. By the time my seventh grader reaches her sophomore year of high school, the practical details of her daily work load will shape up very differently than it will with my oldest this year, even if they take the exact same courses!

To accomplish this customization, I have spent years exploring learning styles and special needs. Processing every bit of information I’ve taken in – even information about needs none of my children have – I’ve been able to explore what does and does not work for each child. And, I learn something new every single year. It’s a journey of constant discovery, and exploring how they learn has allowed me to get to know my children in a very precious way.

Learning Styles & Marriage

For some reason, though, until recently I have never really contemplated how learning styles affect marital relationships. It’s not that I haven’t pondered the way my husband learns, especially the ways his mental processing differs from mine. I have. That sort of observation just comes naturally to me, so I’ve observed his learning style for years and marveled at our differences. But, although you’d think it obvious for someone like me to make the connection, I have never really reflected on how our learning differences have impacted our marriage, for good or for ill.

Fortunately, even if I haven’t reflected on that impact, I have automatically responded to it over the years.

Consider these realities:

– How we learn affects how we present information. If we learn best through picture or illustration, we will use as much illustration as possible when passing information on to others. If we are more black and white, then we will be direct and pack as much information as possible into a short amount of speech.
– We receive what others are communicating based on the way our brains process information. Consider the presentation thoughts and turn them around. How would you receive information offered by someone who presents differently than you do?
– Misunderstandings often arise based on differences in mental processing, sometimes resulting in fights and anger simply because of communication differences.

Now, stop and think for a moment. How do you process information? How do you explain what you’re thinking? How does that compare to your spouse’s methods of processing and communication?

Here’s another point to ponder. Does your spouse communicate and process with you the same way he does with other people?

All of these thoughts and realizations rained down on me just recently as I described something I was thinking to my husband. He doesn’t need word pictures, but I do. And, on so many occasions, he has patiently listened as I’ve described my word pictures in detail, processing out loud as I try to explain to him what I’m thinking. Meanwhile, another recent conversation made me realize that he’s comfortable communicating with me in ways that he does not communicate with others, leading to unique discussion situations that do not occur anywhere else in his life. So, I have to evaluate our private conversations differently than I do our public conversations.

Oh, what an impact his patience and my discernment – or lack thereof on both accounts – have on our marriage!

There is no single solution for effective communication in marriage. But, when we make the effort to have a well-rounded understanding of our spouses and their personalities, our ability to communicate with one another can grow by leaps and bounds.

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts, Thoughts from Life

Living on the Lake

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Two weeks ago today, we were starting our meandering trip home after several glorious vacation days. The time away didn’t quite turn out like we’d planned at first. At the last minute, we found ourselves scrambling to make a backup plan. Well, a backup plan for us. I can’t help but think that it was actually God’s original plan.

Instead of staying in a hotel and with friends, all of which would have been a treat and fine and lovely, we ended up in a cabin on Tims Ford Lake in Tennessee. For three nights, we went to bed with every window open so we could sleep to the smells and sounds of the lake. For three mornings, we woke up to the calm quiet of springtime in a secluded location. Everywhere we went over the course of our four-day vacation, we had to drive through wide stretches of nature and farmlands. Every aspect of our environment spoke to our souls, filling and nourishing us.

Inevitably, every time we passed a church in the middle of that beautiful, peaceful environment, we joked, “Hey! We can see if they need a pastor so we can just live here!” It had nothing to do with wanting to move or leave our current church and start over. We really have no interest in doing that! But, the environment of the countryside we stayed in or drove through soothed, revived, and refreshed us in wonderful ways. And we just wanted to stay.

In truth, though, staying in a place that revived us momentarily would not have the same effect long term. Every time we are revived, we then come to the time when we must get back to work. We must take the refreshment and apply it to the task at hand. We cannot stay in a constant state of soothing. We were made to actively glorify God in everything we do, not just to soak up moments of nourishment.

This truth reverberates across all areas of our lives. Whether it’s a physical location, an emotional or mental state of being, a place of fellowship, or a period of spiritual illumination, none of these aspects of nourishment are meant to be our solitary state of being. We are meant to live, not simply absorb.

The beauty of life in Christ, though, is that we can have both simultaneously. Our nourishment and refreshment can come even in the midst of the work. Our space of beauty explodes from the Word of God and the handiwork of the Spirit all around us. Our filling comes from communion, true relational communion, with our Savior. Sometimes, yes, we need to physically get away from the noise of everyday life. But there is no need for getaway in our spiritual lives. God equips us to live every single day in the nourishment of His presence.

We lack, not because we need a spiritual getaway, but because we do not choose to live in His daily nourishment.

I would still love to live in a home built in the hills overlooking a lake. But, I don’t want to live a life of escape. I want to live a life daily nourished by my relationship with the Lord. Some days I do experience that life. Other days, I fail to rest in Him. But, that is my goal. That is my heart. And when I choose it, there is no lakeside home that could ever match the comfort of a Christ-enveloped life.

Posted in What Works for Me

Time Blocks

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

As I process the flow of my days, something stands out very clearly – it’s so much easier now than ever before to give into distraction. Once upon a time, distractions had to be much more intentional, at least for me. I could hide a book – my biggest distraction – from myself. But, since I work on the computer and need the Internet for just about everything I do, it’s so incredibly easy to just click over to Facebook or follow this or that.

I Must Focus!

Focus has to be very, very intentional. That’s always a challenge, but some days are harder than others.

I’ve tried little tricks here and there to help me with this intentionality, but the one that works the best is time blocks.

Thanks to a little app on my computer, I have an automatic timer that gives me consistent work and break blocks. It seems that 25 minutes is the perfect work block. My timer gives me a work block, followed by a break block – with my choice of 5 or 15 minutes for a break. Usually, I take the 5 minutes. That gives me enough time to go to the bathroom, check on the kids, do a few lunges, grab some water, or whatever. It gets me moving (helpful since I have a desk job!), but it doesn’t waste work time. In fact, in a one-hour stretch, I’m more productive with two 25-minute work blocks and two 5-minute breaks than with a solid attempt to focus on work for one hour. I get more done with the blocks.

But, the breaks are only part of the productivity benefit. The flip side is that I set myself specific tasks in my 25-minute work block. I might have a writing block where all I’m going to do is write for 25 minutes without flipping back and forth to this or that. Just write. Then I set aside another blog for e-mail and miscellaneous small tasks. It’s amazing how much I can write in that block when I don’t allow myself to be distracted!

The catch is this: I have to do it.

I have to remember to utilize the timer.
I have to be diligent to take that break when the timer goes ding.
I have to be diligent to come back to work.
I have to be diligent to not allow myself to be distracted until the work timer goes off!

Whether it’s time blocks or some other productivity technique, none of it works without the discipline to diligently use the tools.

Discipline, my friends, is what is lacking in so many aspects of life. We refuse to discipline ourselves, so none of our tricks work! The techniques that work for me may or may not work for you. But, discipline works for us all. It makes us a better version of who we are. Every single time.

May we grow in discipline this week, no matter what our technique of choice may be!

Posted in Marriage

Our Own Beauty

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I’m a bit spoiled when it comes to web design. You see, I work for a woman who has amazing talent when it comes to design. Whether online or in print, she – and her daughters – can turn the most simple of publications into something extraordinary. It’s not hard for them, either. It just comes naturally.

So, yesterday as I sat down to try to spruce up my own blog a bit, I felt more than a little plain. Like my blog was a wasteland up against the beauty I’m accustomed to. I had no idea where to start to make my blog attractive or to add neat features. I could only take standard themes and try to spruce them up a bit. Even then, I was never sure if I was doing it right.

Now, let’s stop and consider this for a minute.

I work for a publishing company. It is our business to make things attractive. Design is part of the branding my boss has worked long and hard to establish. And, do you know what I do for the company? I work with words. Not design. Words. Sometimes even the gibberish words of html. But, always words, letters, characters, text. That’s who I am. That’s what I do.

This blog reflects me, not the company I work for. This blog is about words.

Turn that thought around a bit and consider how many times thoughts like these impact our marriages. We step out into the world and interact with a wide variety of talents, strengths, personalities, and lifestyles. We immerse ourselves in them. We connect with them. We see the wow factor of other people. Then we come home and see…plain.

Our normal becomes less than enough because we think it does not measure up to the normal we perceive in others. Our family is not __________ enough. Our home lacks __________. Our marriage is not ___________.

Oh, my dear friend, you are not meant to be them! Your marriage was not made to be theirs. Your home was not intended to be like that. You, dear friend, have something very unique and very special. You have a beauty all your own – one that no one else can replicate or enjoy.

As you look at your marriage this week, make a determination to see the beauty of who you are as a couple. Not who you are compared to your neighbors or that “perfect” couple at church. Who you are in the sight of God. Who you are compared to who you were meant to be.

May God be the standard by which you view who He made you to be. And in that, my friend, you will see a beauty that is all your own.

Posted in Marriage

The Beauty of Giving

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

As various gift-giving occasions come and go each year, I can’t help but contemplate the pressure to give that perfect gift. Unfortunately, this is not just based in our desire to show love. Our society piles on the pressure, throwing suggestions our way through advertising or taunting us with the “what did you do this year?” queries.

Whether it’s the perfect Valentine’s gift, the best birthday surprise, the most meaningful Mother’s Day or Father’s Day treasure, or the grandest Christmas gift, we can be easily left feeling like failures in the gift-giving department – even if our loved ones truly delight in their gifts!

As Christians, we are called to stand out. To be set apart. To be different. What if we were to practice that in gift-giving as well? What if we were to ignore society’s expectations and give gifts according to a higher standard?

Clarity

When you look at your husband and say, “Let’s just go small this year,” what exactly do you mean. Do you mean no gifts, just time together? Do you mean only $100 each instead of $500? Or do you mean those small diamond earrings you’ve been eying for months rather than the new mattress you’ve discussed?

Offer your husband the gift of clarity as gift-giving occasions roll around. Don’t drop hints or remain vague in hopes that he will think of the perfect gift all on his own. Communicate! And encourage him to do the same. You might be amazed by the gift ideas that arise through communication.

Which leads to the next gift…

Honesty

Okay, ladies, let’s get real. It might be the cultural norm to look at your husband and say, “You don’t have to get me anything this year,” while inside you’re thinking, “Yeah, right, you know me better than that!” But, if that’s the culture norm, then we are a culture of liars.

And that’s not okay for general life, much less for marriage. And it’s definitely not okay for believers to automatically distrust one another’s words because lying has become the norm in relationships. (Remember the whole “set apart” concept?)

Years ago, early in our marriage, my husband got me an awesome kitchen appliance for Christmas. It had a wall-mounted charging base that held a hand-held mixer and several attachments. I loved that thing! But Doug was raked over the coals for his “horrible” gift. In fact, a pastor and his wife informed him in no uncertain terms that I might have asked for that mixer, but it was NOT appropriate for a Christmas gift. Then, when I told them it was exactly what I wanted for Christmas, they assured both of us that I was lying just to keep from hurting his feelings.

Right then and there, Doug and I committed to honesty. Period. There are few better gifts we’ve ever given to one another, in my opinion.

Freedom

The last one is, yes, freedom. Not freedom from one another, but freedom from those cultural norms established by society and perpetuated even by believers. Give your husband freedom from the expectation to do things just like everyone else.

Just because jewelry and power tools are the societal norm (at least, according to the advertisers!), don’t force one another into that mold. Instead, share your hearts. The resulting gifts might still come in the form of a piece of jewelry or a power tool, but it might also come in the form of time or words or energy or activity.

But also, be patient with one another while you figure it out. The pressure to give – or share the receipt of – that perfect gift is still strong. Take a breath, enjoy one another, and give to each other based on that enjoyment.

And see your relationship grow because of it.

Posted in Marriage

The Marriage Compound

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

The movie Jerry Maquire came out while I was in college. Many of my peers loved it, but I was never too fond of it for a wide variety of reasons. But the one that is relevant to my thoughts today is the whole idea of, “You complete me.” This just did not resonate with me. But it would be years before I would really understand why.

You see, I was never incomplete.

I look around and see young men and women who feel they must be in a relationship to be whole. They cannot thrive without a significant other by their side. Sadly, that mentality is becoming ingrained in even our young children, as fourth and fifth graders believe they must be in exclusive “relationships.”

Ultimately, they all believe they are incomplete without that relationship.

I could go on and on about the danger of this mentality among our children, youth, and young adults. But, that’s another discussion for another time. For now, I am overwhelmed by the implication this mentality has on the married people of our society.

The idea that we need a spouse for completion makes two presuppositions.

First, it presents the idea that we are incomplete before marriage. Oh, my friends, that is a lie! I said it once, and I will say it again: I was never incomplete. At least, I have not been incomplete since the day I surrendered to Christ’s lordship and He made me whole. Perhaps I was lonely for the type of relationship that can only come from marriage. Maybe certain aspects of my life could never be truly fleshed out without a husband. It’s possible that I hungered for what I would become as a wife, and I sought someone who would help me see that particular fulfillment. But I was not incomplete.

Secondly, this mentality places on our spouses a responsibility they were never meant to carry. They cannot make up for what we lack. If we lack completion, it is because we lack Christ. No human being can fill that hole.

So, if marriage does not complete us, what does it accomplish? After all, the Bible speaks of us as two becoming one. Does that not mean that we fit together like a puzzle?

What if we were to think instead of marriage as a compound?

Think back with me to those science basics we learned years and years…and years…ago. A compound occurs when two elements are combined to form something new. The two elements cannot be easily separated once they are joined. Take water, for instance. Hydrogen and oxygen are elements with their own identities and their own usefulness. But when they come together, they form something brand new – water. Water cannot be used for the purposes hydrogen or oxygen were intended. Neither can hydrogen or oxygen be used in place of water.

Marriage accomplishes the same purpose. When we join together as husband and wife, something new is formed. I can never again be what I was as a single woman. If I try to do so within my marriage, I will only cripple the new creation that God has formed through the union with my husband. If I try to step out of the marriage to reclaim what I once was, I will never succeed. Instead, I will be constantly battling the scars formed by a forced separation. But if I embrace who I am as Doug’s wife and who we are together as a couple, there is much that can be accomplished!

I am not more or less complete than I was before marriage. But I am very different. I’m something new. A creative work of God that is beautiful and amazing in its own way. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, Thoughts from Scripture

My Purpose?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I intended to write something new today, but I’m also continuing to work back through old blog posts to see if they can be republished, need to be worked, or should just be tossed. This one caught my attention this morning. I needed this perspective reminder!

I wonder if David ever had writer’s block.

You laugh. But, when I see all that he wrote, I wonder if he ever wanted to write, but couldn’t. I wonder how many of his prayers never saw the light of day.

Last week I tried to write, but I never could accomplish what I wanted to say. So, I let the week slide by without really writing. Then this week.

But now I sit here thinking about David. And I realize something.

David left behind wonderful words, but not because he had to meet writing deadlines or make sure something was up on the tabernacle bulletin board. No, David’s songs were the expression of what welled up inside of him. Was his relationship with the Lord vibrant and whole? Then words of praise flowed. Was he distant and feeling it? Then despair poured from his lips, rising to the only One who could draw him back to vibrancy.

Last week I tried to write simply because I wanted to have something up on my blog. And I did not succeed. I think it was because I forgot this verse:

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

(And just to be contextual here, the audience receiving this instruction was dealing with honoring God in the midst of a pretty messed up society. I think I have it easy.)

Whether David was up or down, his songs pointed to God. They were for His glory. They lifted up His name. They hashed through the human struggle of trusting a God whose ways cannot always be understood. But they always came back to the reminder that His ways are right, whether David understood or not.

David’s songs were for the glory of God.

Did all of David’s actions glorify God? No. Did David always feel like glorifying God? It’s doubtful. But his legacy, his enduring songs, were all written for the glory of God. And David’s life was most right when his actions intentionally honored God.

What are we striving for this week? What is our purpose? Is it to check something off the to-do list? Is it to keep up with a habit we decided to establish in our lives? Is it to meet someone else’s expectations?

How much better will it be if we strive only to glorify God in every little thing?

And I mean everything.

Work, play, hobbies, life necessities…everything.

I am sure David had days in which he wanted to sing a new song, but he was not faithfully singing that new song for God’s glory. And I bet it was harder to sing on those days. Just like it is harder for me to write on those days. Or work. Or play. Or meet my family’s needs. Or do anything.

Let’s get back to 1 Corinthians 10:31 living. No matter what our circumstances, let’s do all to the glory of God. And let’s see how He shines through our efforts.

Posted in Wonderments

Do You Know Your Strengths?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

This morning, I need to let the thoughts I just wrote gel a bit to make sure they make sense. So, instead of publishing that post today, I’m looking back over old blog posts again to find something to share from that stash instead. I came upon this short post from nearly ten years ago. I have no recollection of the article I wrote for work that spurred this question. I need to go back and see if I can find it. But the question it raised is definitely still relevant, perhaps even moreso right now as my husband and I are trying to encourage our children as they launch into adulthood. As he and I are trying to figure out what life looks like for us now. I’ll be pondering this question anew in the coming week. Want to join me?

This week I finished up an article about discovering our strengths. As I wrote to try to encourage young women to discover and pursue their strengths, I couldn’t help but wonder something. How many adults truly know their strengths?

Even more importantly, if we know them, do we utilize them?

Here are a couple of my thoughts:

1. We should encourage the children and youth of our society to actively seek to discover where God has gifted them. Now. Not when they’re “old enough.” Then we should help them find specific ways to utilize those gifts, talents, and strengths. Let’s raise the bar for these kids!

2. Even if you and I truly thought about our strengths when we were young, could it be that there are some that cannot be revealed without age and maturity? What are we doing to continuously explore the giftings God has laid upon us?

What are your thoughts?