Posted in Marriage

Our Own Beauty

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I’m a bit spoiled when it comes to web design. You see, I work for a woman who has amazing talent when it comes to design. Whether online or in print, she – and her daughters – can turn the most simple of publications into something extraordinary. It’s not hard for them, either. It just comes naturally.

So, yesterday as I sat down to try to spruce up my own blog a bit, I felt more than a little plain. Like my blog was a wasteland up against the beauty I’m accustomed to. I had no idea where to start to make my blog attractive or to add neat features. I could only take standard themes and try to spruce them up a bit. Even then, I was never sure if I was doing it right.

Now, let’s stop and consider this for a minute.

I work for a publishing company. It is our business to make things attractive. Design is part of the branding my boss has worked long and hard to establish. And, do you know what I do for the company? I work with words. Not design. Words. Sometimes even the gibberish words of html. But, always words, letters, characters, text. That’s who I am. That’s what I do.

This blog reflects me, not the company I work for. This blog is about words.

Turn that thought around a bit and consider how many times thoughts like these impact our marriages. We step out into the world and interact with a wide variety of talents, strengths, personalities, and lifestyles. We immerse ourselves in them. We connect with them. We see the wow factor of other people. Then we come home and see…plain.

Our normal becomes less than enough because we think it does not measure up to the normal we perceive in others. Our family is not __________ enough. Our home lacks __________. Our marriage is not ___________.

Oh, my dear friend, you are not meant to be them! Your marriage was not made to be theirs. Your home was not intended to be like that. You, dear friend, have something very unique and very special. You have a beauty all your own – one that no one else can replicate or enjoy.

As you look at your marriage this week, make a determination to see the beauty of who you are as a couple. Not who you are compared to your neighbors or that “perfect” couple at church. Who you are in the sight of God. Who you are compared to who you were meant to be.

May God be the standard by which you view who He made you to be. And in that, my friend, you will see a beauty that is all your own.

Posted in Marriage

The Beauty of Giving

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

As various gift-giving occasions come and go each year, I can’t help but contemplate the pressure to give that perfect gift. Unfortunately, this is not just based in our desire to show love. Our society piles on the pressure, throwing suggestions our way through advertising or taunting us with the “what did you do this year?” queries.

Whether it’s the perfect Valentine’s gift, the best birthday surprise, the most meaningful Mother’s Day or Father’s Day treasure, or the grandest Christmas gift, we can be easily left feeling like failures in the gift-giving department – even if our loved ones truly delight in their gifts!

As Christians, we are called to stand out. To be set apart. To be different. What if we were to practice that in gift-giving as well? What if we were to ignore society’s expectations and give gifts according to a higher standard?

Clarity

When you look at your husband and say, “Let’s just go small this year,” what exactly do you mean. Do you mean no gifts, just time together? Do you mean only $100 each instead of $500? Or do you mean those small diamond earrings you’ve been eying for months rather than the new mattress you’ve discussed?

Offer your husband the gift of clarity as gift-giving occasions roll around. Don’t drop hints or remain vague in hopes that he will think of the perfect gift all on his own. Communicate! And encourage him to do the same. You might be amazed by the gift ideas that arise through communication.

Which leads to the next gift…

Honesty

Okay, ladies, let’s get real. It might be the cultural norm to look at your husband and say, “You don’t have to get me anything this year,” while inside you’re thinking, “Yeah, right, you know me better than that!” But, if that’s the culture norm, then we are a culture of liars.

And that’s not okay for general life, much less for marriage. And it’s definitely not okay for believers to automatically distrust one another’s words because lying has become the norm in relationships. (Remember the whole “set apart” concept?)

Years ago, early in our marriage, my husband got me an awesome kitchen appliance for Christmas. It had a wall-mounted charging base that held a hand-held mixer and several attachments. I loved that thing! But Doug was raked over the coals for his “horrible” gift. In fact, a pastor and his wife informed him in no uncertain terms that I might have asked for that mixer, but it was NOT appropriate for a Christmas gift. Then, when I told them it was exactly what I wanted for Christmas, they assured both of us that I was lying just to keep from hurting his feelings.

Right then and there, Doug and I committed to honesty. Period. There are few better gifts we’ve ever given to one another, in my opinion.

Freedom

The last one is, yes, freedom. Not freedom from one another, but freedom from those cultural norms established by society and perpetuated even by believers. Give your husband freedom from the expectation to do things just like everyone else.

Just because jewelry and power tools are the societal norm (at least, according to the advertisers!), don’t force one another into that mold. Instead, share your hearts. The resulting gifts might still come in the form of a piece of jewelry or a power tool, but it might also come in the form of time or words or energy or activity.

But also, be patient with one another while you figure it out. The pressure to give – or share the receipt of – that perfect gift is still strong. Take a breath, enjoy one another, and give to each other based on that enjoyment.

And see your relationship grow because of it.

Posted in Marriage

The Marriage Compound

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

The movie Jerry Maquire came out while I was in college. Many of my peers loved it, but I was never too fond of it for a wide variety of reasons. But the one that is relevant to my thoughts today is the whole idea of, “You complete me.” This just did not resonate with me. But it would be years before I would really understand why.

You see, I was never incomplete.

I look around and see young men and women who feel they must be in a relationship to be whole. They cannot thrive without a significant other by their side. Sadly, that mentality is becoming ingrained in even our young children, as fourth and fifth graders believe they must be in exclusive “relationships.”

Ultimately, they all believe they are incomplete without that relationship.

I could go on and on about the danger of this mentality among our children, youth, and young adults. But, that’s another discussion for another time. For now, I am overwhelmed by the implication this mentality has on the married people of our society.

The idea that we need a spouse for completion makes two presuppositions.

First, it presents the idea that we are incomplete before marriage. Oh, my friends, that is a lie! I said it once, and I will say it again: I was never incomplete. At least, I have not been incomplete since the day I surrendered to Christ’s lordship and He made me whole. Perhaps I was lonely for the type of relationship that can only come from marriage. Maybe certain aspects of my life could never be truly fleshed out without a husband. It’s possible that I hungered for what I would become as a wife, and I sought someone who would help me see that particular fulfillment. But I was not incomplete.

Secondly, this mentality places on our spouses a responsibility they were never meant to carry. They cannot make up for what we lack. If we lack completion, it is because we lack Christ. No human being can fill that hole.

So, if marriage does not complete us, what does it accomplish? After all, the Bible speaks of us as two becoming one. Does that not mean that we fit together like a puzzle?

What if we were to think instead of marriage as a compound?

Think back with me to those science basics we learned years and years…and years…ago. A compound occurs when two elements are combined to form something new. The two elements cannot be easily separated once they are joined. Take water, for instance. Hydrogen and oxygen are elements with their own identities and their own usefulness. But when they come together, they form something brand new – water. Water cannot be used for the purposes hydrogen or oxygen were intended. Neither can hydrogen or oxygen be used in place of water.

Marriage accomplishes the same purpose. When we join together as husband and wife, something new is formed. I can never again be what I was as a single woman. If I try to do so within my marriage, I will only cripple the new creation that God has formed through the union with my husband. If I try to step out of the marriage to reclaim what I once was, I will never succeed. Instead, I will be constantly battling the scars formed by a forced separation. But if I embrace who I am as Doug’s wife and who we are together as a couple, there is much that can be accomplished!

I am not more or less complete than I was before marriage. But I am very different. I’m something new. A creative work of God that is beautiful and amazing in its own way. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, Thoughts from Scripture

My Purpose?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I intended to write something new today, but I’m also continuing to work back through old blog posts to see if they can be republished, need to be worked, or should just be tossed. This one caught my attention this morning. I needed this perspective reminder!

I wonder if David ever had writer’s block.

You laugh. But, when I see all that he wrote, I wonder if he ever wanted to write, but couldn’t. I wonder how many of his prayers never saw the light of day.

Last week I tried to write, but I never could accomplish what I wanted to say. So, I let the week slide by without really writing. Then this week.

But now I sit here thinking about David. And I realize something.

David left behind wonderful words, but not because he had to meet writing deadlines or make sure something was up on the tabernacle bulletin board. No, David’s songs were the expression of what welled up inside of him. Was his relationship with the Lord vibrant and whole? Then words of praise flowed. Was he distant and feeling it? Then despair poured from his lips, rising to the only One who could draw him back to vibrancy.

Last week I tried to write simply because I wanted to have something up on my blog. And I did not succeed. I think it was because I forgot this verse:

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

(And just to be contextual here, the audience receiving this instruction was dealing with honoring God in the midst of a pretty messed up society. I think I have it easy.)

Whether David was up or down, his songs pointed to God. They were for His glory. They lifted up His name. They hashed through the human struggle of trusting a God whose ways cannot always be understood. But they always came back to the reminder that His ways are right, whether David understood or not.

David’s songs were for the glory of God.

Did all of David’s actions glorify God? No. Did David always feel like glorifying God? It’s doubtful. But his legacy, his enduring songs, were all written for the glory of God. And David’s life was most right when his actions intentionally honored God.

What are we striving for this week? What is our purpose? Is it to check something off the to-do list? Is it to keep up with a habit we decided to establish in our lives? Is it to meet someone else’s expectations?

How much better will it be if we strive only to glorify God in every little thing?

And I mean everything.

Work, play, hobbies, life necessities…everything.

I am sure David had days in which he wanted to sing a new song, but he was not faithfully singing that new song for God’s glory. And I bet it was harder to sing on those days. Just like it is harder for me to write on those days. Or work. Or play. Or meet my family’s needs. Or do anything.

Let’s get back to 1 Corinthians 10:31 living. No matter what our circumstances, let’s do all to the glory of God. And let’s see how He shines through our efforts.

Posted in Wonderments

Do You Know Your Strengths?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

This morning, I need to let the thoughts I just wrote gel a bit to make sure they make sense. So, instead of publishing that post today, I’m looking back over old blog posts again to find something to share from that stash instead. I came upon this short post from nearly ten years ago. I have no recollection of the article I wrote for work that spurred this question. I need to go back and see if I can find it. But the question it raised is definitely still relevant, perhaps even moreso right now as my husband and I are trying to encourage our children as they launch into adulthood. As he and I are trying to figure out what life looks like for us now. I’ll be pondering this question anew in the coming week. Want to join me?

This week I finished up an article about discovering our strengths. As I wrote to try to encourage young women to discover and pursue their strengths, I couldn’t help but wonder something. How many adults truly know their strengths?

Even more importantly, if we know them, do we utilize them?

Here are a couple of my thoughts:

1. We should encourage the children and youth of our society to actively seek to discover where God has gifted them. Now. Not when they’re “old enough.” Then we should help them find specific ways to utilize those gifts, talents, and strengths. Let’s raise the bar for these kids!

2. Even if you and I truly thought about our strengths when we were young, could it be that there are some that cannot be revealed without age and maturity? What are we doing to continuously explore the giftings God has laid upon us?

What are your thoughts?