Tag: relationships

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts from Scripture

Taking the Name

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

For 28 years, I’ve been known as a Hibbard. Admittedly, during the first couple of years, it was a little slow to “take.” We got married in our college town and lived there for the first six months. Any of my friends who were still in school were more familiar with my maiden name. Then we lived in my hometown for a while, attending church with people who had known my family and me for most, if not all, of my life. You can imagine how hard it was for some of them to call me Hibbard instead of Browning!

About a year a half into our marriage, though, we moved out of state. We met new people. Built new relationships. To these “new” people, I was a Hibbard, not a Browning. I might not have carried the genetics, but I carried the name. Over the years, that name grew to have a distinctive meaning to those who knew us, and I grew increasingly proud to carry it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never been ashamed of being a Browning. I’m quite proud to carry that connection. But, when I married, I didn’t just take my husband’s name, I took a new identity. An identity he and I have formed together and shared with our children. One that is uniquely us, a combination of both trees of family joined together.

Over the past few months, I’ve encountered a wide range of Scripture passages referencing the Name of the Lord. They all remind us of the powerful identify of the Lord God Almighty. Of the redemptive and sacrificial power of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Then I ponder the commandment to not take the Name of the Lord in vain. And I think of John 13:34-35 where Jesus is sharing some final thoughts with His disciples before going to the cross. He tells them, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (emphasis mine)

Do you see that? Everyone will know that we are His disciples — that we bear His Name — if we love one another.

Hmmm…

When we become Christians, we take the Name of Jesus just as clearly as I took the name Hibbard. We become public representatives of the King of kings and Lord of lords. He allows us to be the earthly picture of Himself, shaping what those around us see Him to be.

That’s what it means to take the Lord’s Name.

So, what does it mean to take it in vain? Does it really just boil down to the words we say? To never using a curse word or crude language? Or could it possibly mean something more?

Jesus said that everyone would know that we are His Name-bearers if we love one another. So, what does it mean when we don’t love one another? What does it mean when we fight among ourselves? When we call each other names or question one another’s salvation because of differing beliefs? When we refuse to show love to Christians — those who also bear the name of Christ — from another color or race or culture or even denomination simply because they are not like us? Because they do not fit with our preferences? Because they don’t agree with our politics?

We may be able to declare without hesitation that we’ve never aloud a curse word or even a hint of crudeness pass our lips. But can we truly state that we’ve never taken the Name of the Lord in vain?

I can’t. There have been too many times when I have not borne the name “Christian” well. When I’ve been unloving, despite the fact that Jesus loves with perfect purity. When I’ve been selfish, where Jesus is selfless. When I’ve been unforgiving in spite of the unconditional forgiveness Jesus offered me long before I even knew I wanted or needed it. When I’ve preserved my life and my desires even knowing that Jesus has called me to lay down it all down for the sake of His Name.

And I’ve had to confess each and every time.

We like to whittle our faith down to pithy statements and easily checked boxes. But, our responsibility, no matter what commandments in Scripture we look to, is to bear the Name of a holy God. A perfect God. A God who loves more completely and purely and perfectly than we could ever imagine loving.

We are called to take His Name.

When I took my husband’s name, I chose a new identity. I chose to be connected to him and to reflect that connection in every aspect of my life.

We do the same when we take the Name of Christ. To take it in vain means that we refuse to be a reflection of Him. Upholding the Name of Christ means we walk in that connection, in His life, fully and completely, setting aside any of our own individualistic identity. Will we always do that perfectly? No, of course not. But it does mean that we live with that intention. And when we falter, we repent without hesitation. We live a reflection of His forgiveness. We live in love for one another…so that all will know we are His.

We’ve taken His Name. May we live to carry it well and never in van.

Posted in Tool Box

Small Group Tool Box: Presentation

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Today we come to the final tool in the Small Group Tool Box: Presentation!

This is one of those tools that’s going to look different for every type of small group. If your small group centers around crafting or projects, this tool will require skills and resources that allow the projects to be completed. Book clubs will require knowing how to lead in discussion on a fixed topic. The same is true of Bible studies.

Even so, there are three things that will be true of the presentation tool, no matter what type of small group you are leading.

1. Ability to Learn

We like to feel fully confident in an area before we share anything with others, leading from our own knowledge instead of from a place of growth. But, in all honesty, the most effective leadership comes from those who are learning along with their group.

Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I don’t mean that the leader starts at the same level as their learners. At bare minimum, a leader needs to be a step ahead. In reality, though, if you’re going to teach or lead in an area, you do need to have a relatively firm grasp on what you’re leading.

For example, if you’re going to teach a beginner’s crochet class, you need to have done more than a couple of rows of crochet yourself. But, you also need to be okay with having to look up a stitch now and then! Lately, I’ve been having fun watching a crocheter film progress on a chaos blanket she’s making. She’s been crocheting for decades, but she has no qualms about sharing her blunders, being honest when she doesn’t know how to do a stitch (including messing up a very common and basic stitch), and confessing all that she has learned while making this blanket. That is the mark of a solid teacher.

2. Preparation

I had a math professor in college who didn’t particularly enjoy teaching the more basic level math classes. But, because it was a small school, all of the professors shared the load of both basic and advanced classes. So, there she was, teaching a pre-calculus course to a group of students not quite ready for Calculus 1. She walked into class with a brand new textbook she’d never cracked open before. By her own admission, she never looked at the lesson ahead of time. She just skimmed the chapter we were on as she began each class session, then pulled a lecture out of thin air.

I’m not great at math. And that semester didn’t help. Because she stumbled and stuttered through every class session, giving her prep time instead to the upper level courses, I never really understood what was going on. I managed to scrape by with a C — and then never took another math course again.

The professor understood the subject matter well. But she did not prepare to communicate that subject matter to her class. And her class suffered because of it. Even those who had pretty good minds for math struggled to follow her instruction.

Presenting well in a small group requires being prepared to present well. If you’re teaching a skill or concept, have an outline of how you’re going to present it. If you’re discussing a chapter in a book, make notes on how you’re going to keep the discussion on track. If you’re leading a Bible study, have ideas about how to clarify questions or encourage engagement. Whatever the case, don’t walk in assuming it will all fall into place simply because you’re familiar with the subject at hand. Be specifically prepared!

3. Flexibility

Having led a number of small groups, I can say this without hesitation: sessions rarely go 100% according to plan! The best discussion starters fall flat. The mix of attendees is different than expected. Responses are far outside what was predicted.

This is actually why preparation is simultaneously incredibly important and incredibly frustrating. You put so much effort into learning and preparing, only to see the plan go out the window in the first ten minutes. Even so, the person who is most prepared is also often the one most able to make quick and easy adjustments when the plan doesn’t quite work.

And those adjustments are so necessary! A willingness to “read the room” and flexibly adjust to meet needs can make all the difference in a successful small group.

Obviously, there are many variables when it comes to leading a small group, and four simple blog posts can’t cover all of those variables — especially considering the variety in types of small groups! But, hopefully this allows you to see ways that your gifts and talents that, especially when combined with the gifts and talents of others, can help get a successful small group off the ground.

Posted in Thoughts from Life

From the Middle

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I got a chuckle the other day as I read some social media posts from a first-year homeschool mom. She really is doing well, it seems. She’s been able to process wisdom from more experienced homeschool parents, and she’s implementing that wisdom well. But, there were a few spots where I still wanted to say, “Bless your heart,” or “Oh, honey!” You know…those lovely Southern phrases we pull out when we just don’t know what else to say.

At the same time, though, I applaud her for openly sharing her learning journey. So often, we hear from the veterans only. Those who have such a wealth of experience to share. And their wisdom is so incredibly valuable! But it can also be like drinking from a fire hydrant, especially if it’s decades of experience being handed down to someone just getting started — someone who actually does need the time to develop before they can truly handle that full slate of resources.

I know I’ve been guilty of sharing advice with other people this way, whether in homeschooling or ministry or parenting or any other area where I have a smackerel of experience. It can be…a lot.

But there’s a space that rarely gets shared from. That space right in the middle. The place where we have passed the idealism of the original thought, idea, or inspiration, but we haven’t yet seen how it turns out. We don’t yet know if our attempts will actually work. We have no idea if the advice is sound. And, to be truly honest, we can often find ourselves pretty disillusioned and discouraged. Who wants to share any of that?

Honestly, I think we’re the wisest in that middle space. We’ve been hit with reality a few times, and it illuminates the flaws in our initial idealistic inspiration. We’re encountering the holes that need to be filled; we’re being stopped in our tracks by problems that need to be solved; we’re seeing ideas that need to be revisited and revised. We still have no idea what the outcome will be and what additional errors or useless actions we’ll process along the way. But we’re gaining the tools we need to evaluate each step of the journey. And we’re getting better at it as we go.

That’s a hard space to share, to be honest. It doesn’t sell books. It doesn’t “preach” or enable one to gain any sort of platform. It has no confirmation of validity.

Even so, it’s where the vast majority of us exist. Honestly, I was in “the middle” of homeschooling until the moment my youngest finished his last high school requirement. And even then, I didn’t really know if I’d succeeded in equipping all three of them well. Well into my “retirement,” I’m still processing what did and did not work — what I’d do differently if I began again armed with the knowledge I have now. (And I have no idea if the “different” would actually work better.)

Currently, I’m in the middle of figuring out what life looks like as a “retired” homeschool teacher who is floundering through multiple ill-fitting jobs and just trying to figure out what’s next. What does it mean to be the mom of adults? Am I building the relational skills I’ll need to possibly become a mother-in-law someday? How are we as a family handling the challenge of staying connected in a new and different way, building on the foundation we laid when we all lived under the same roof? How is my approach to employment now paving the way for what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life?

The middle is squishy. It’s gray. It’s confusing. It’s uncertain.

Yet it is a place that needs to be shared. It is more important to talk about the middle than it is to rave about cool new ideas or share advice from places of success and completion. We need to see each other in the middle. We need to know how someone else is solving problems. Or filling holes, or revising ideas. Or restarting completely when it all falls apart.

It’s hard to share from the middle, but maybe that’s one of the things I need to be learning. Maybe that’s a space of vulnerability I need to be willing to express.

How about you? Are you in the middle on anything right now? How about we meet each other there and walk through the journey together? It might make the completion even more victorious!

Posted in Thoughts from Life, Thoughts from Scripture

Thoughts from Moses

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Do you ever look at certain stories in the Bible and wonder how in the world people can respond the way they do? I do. Moses’ behavior in Exodus 3-4 is one example. Here Moses is, standing in front of a bush that is on fire but not being destroyed, talking to Almighty God. And what does he do? He argues.

Well, at first he’s afraid, which is a very natural response. And he sees his own inadequacies in the face of a holy, awesome God. Again, not only natural, but very appropriate.

But, then Moses goes above and beyond the point of recognizing his inadequacies. He starts arguing to the point of informing God that He’s wrong. Ouch! It’s easy to condemn Moses for his behavior. But, I can’t help but want to dig deeper. Why would Moses go to such extremes?

I think the answer might lie in Exodus 2, in the hands of the fellow Hebrews Moses simply wanted to help.

Years later, after Moses had grown up, he went out to his own people and observed their forced labor. He saw an Egyptian striking a Hebrew, one of his people. Looking all around and seeing no one, he struck the Egyptian dead and hid him in the sand. The next day he went out and saw two Hebrews fighting. He asked the one in the wrong, “Why are you attacking your neighbor?”

“Who made you a commander and judge over us?” the man replied. “Are you planning to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?”

Then Moses became afraid and thought, “What I did is certainly known.”

When Pharaoh heard about this, he tried to kill Moses. But Moses fled from Pharaoh and went to live in the land of Midian, and sat down by a well. – Exodus 2:11-15

Keep in mind that Moses was called and preserved from birth for the purpose of being used by God to free the Israelites. He might not yet have known how to listen to God’s plan, but he already had a huge burden for the people of God.

Yet even from the very beginning, the people he wanted to help lashed out at him, rejecting his help. (And this would be repeated so very many times over the next forty years.) They may even have been the reason Pharaoh learned about the murder. Now, don’t get me wrong — I don’t believe Moses was in the right here in his choice to kill the Egyptian. I believe he let his passion rule, and God needed to get ahold of him and teach him a lot. Even so, being attacked by the very people he thought he was helping had to leave a wound.

A wound that seemed to still be bothersome forty years after Moses fled Egypt.

A wound that had settled in so firmly that he seemed to honestly believe Almighty God, the great I AM, didn’t really know what He was talking about.

Obviously, Scripture doesn’t explicitly say, “Moses didn’t believe God because he’d been deeply hurt by the Hebrews before, and he didn’t think it was possible for them to accept him as their leader no matter what I AM said.” But I’ve seen what the wounds from a friend can do.

I’ve seen someone express passion and excitement because God was working and it was visible. The delight in being a part of that work was so tangible! But, doubt began to creep in. Then an attack came. Not from the world, but from a friend. From a beloved fellow Christian. And the wound struck so deep that it overcame the passion and excitement. Delight turned into confusion and an insatiable urge to just escape. Walk away from all of the work. Walk away from being used by God. Hide and never feel that hurt again.

I’ve not just seen that hurt in others. I’ve felt it myself, so very strongly. It’s a deep wound.

Cherished loved ones can hurt us. Those who should be our allies can derail us. Friends can deceive and incapacitate us. The most tragic reality is that the actions of fellow believers can convince us that the all-powerful, almighty, unfailing, all-knowing, loving God who called us doesn’t know what He’s talking about. Yes, we can and do respond just like Moses did. Ouch.

And more often than not, they aren’t doing it intentionally. They’re just acting out of a focus on self instead of on God and others. It’s easy to do. We’ve all been there, especially when we’re struggling with something. Think about the Israelites. Their problem wasn’t really with Moses. It was with their oppressors. They were tired. Weighted down. And lashing out at the most available person — who just happened to be the person who wanted to help them.

No wonder Scripture tells us so many times to encourage one another. To build one another up. To be a community of unity. Of nourishment. Of exhortation. Yes, to call out sin in one another, but never, ever, ever to tear one another down. Because we have to be reminded to look beyond ourselves. We don’t remember on our own.

God’s enemy wants to divide us. He wants to isolate us. He wants to cause disunity among us. Because when he does, he can cause us to doubt God’s calling. He can drive us to argue that we’re not enough. And when we’re alone, we’re not enough. But when we’re together, serving our Lord God in the unifying power of His Spirit, nothing can stop us.

Which option will we choose?

Posted in Thoughts from Life, Thoughts from Scripture

Words

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Have you ever stopped to really think about how we use words?

You might think that this would come naturally to a writer. That I would be deeply attentive to every word I use and its nuance. But, that’s not really true. I am as nonchalant about words as the next person, using vocabulary, phrases, and grammatical structures habitually, without stopping to really process whether or not I am truly communicating my thoughts well.

In fact, I did it in that last sentence. Think about the word “habitually” — or even “habit.” It is often used in a manner which indicates an action taken without thought. Do I really not think about how I use my words? That’s a ridiculous notion, to be honest. Although sometimes I do speak before I think — we all do that at times — typically even the “habitual” words and phrases I use are intentional choices to attempt to communicate well.

So, even though we might think that having a habit means the ability to do something so naturally that we don’t even think about it, the truth is that we don’t actually use the word “habit” that way.

Just to diverge for a moment, the top definition in Webster’s dictionary for habit is “a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior,” followed by the second definition, which includes, “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary,” “addiction,” and “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.” Oh, and if you keep looking, you’ll see older definitions related to clothing, appearance, or even the action of dressing oneself!1

If you’re anything like me, the next time you use the word “habit” out of habit, you’re probably going to stop yourself and think, “Wait, did I really use that word well?”

That, my friends, is the point. What we say matters. But, it’s not just the words we use or the tones and attitudes we present when we use those words. It’s also the way other people understand our words.

That’s a heavy burden to bear, I know. If I talk about doing something habitually, and another person interprets that to mean that I can do it without truly thinking or processing, they may feel that they will never be able to succeed in that area. But, if they think of it as a behavior I’ve acquired or that is typical for me, they may realize that even a habit takes work and effort. Even after being accustomed to doing it. Together, I and the person to whom I am speaking are jointly responsible for making sure that we understand one another and are communicating with clarity.

And guess what? We’ll never, ever, ever do that perfectly!

Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to be a downer there. But it’s the truth. So, if it is the truth, what do we do about it?

I could give you a whole list of good communication techniques, but you can search for those yourself just as easily. I could talk to you about building healthy relationships, but trying to accomplish that in a few hundred words would make something that is exceedingly important feel very trite.

Instead, I’ll share with you what’s on my bedroom wall. It’s a beautiful calligraphy print of Psalm 19:14, which reads, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” (CSB)

Does that answer all our questions? Give us solid vocabulary to rely on that everyone will understand with complete clarity? Ensure that we never say a misunderstood thing ever again?

Nope. Not by a long shot.

But it does rightly direct our intentions. If my goal is to communicate flawlessly with you, I will fail. I’ll pick a wrong word or unwittingly say something that is a trigger for you. But, our amazing God, our Father, Lord, Rock, and Redeemer, knows us all. He knows our hearts. He knows not just what we say, but what we mean. And we can trust Him to bridge the gaps between us.

But only if our goal is first and foremost to be acceptable to Him.

That’s how I want to think, speak, write, and communicate. In a way that makes Him smile. That deepens my relationship with Him. That then, in turn, helps you see His love and pleasure as well. I forget that goal sometimes, which is why I have the verse on my wall, right by the door. I see it every day. I am reminded every day. Even so, I still miss it so often. But I want to keep growing. Keep learning. Keep practicing.

And maybe, before too much longer, that kind of communication will truly be my habit.

1. Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, s.v. “habit,” accessed August 17, 2026, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/habit.

Posted in Tool Box

The Tool for All Tool Boxes

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I must admit to a bit of a chuckle as I start this thought.

I don’t know of a single person who likes to be called a “tool” or relegated to the idea of simply being a resource or a useful thing.

And yet, when it comes to building tool boxes to fit current needs or prepare for something we desire to do — any hobby, habit, journey, adventure, activity, job, task, or any other noun we can think of — the people around us truly are our greatest resource. If we have nothing else, we should grab onto people!

First, people provide real experience.

Even if we’re trailblazing and doing something no one else has technically ever done before, we’re blazing those trails because of the experience of people who have accomplished much before us. They’ve laid groundwork, created the resources we use, or simply lived an example of what it means to blaze those new trails.

How much more should we lean on that experience when we are carrying on a torch, continuing the work of those who have been doing it for generations?

Wisdom based on the experience of others can come in many forms. It can be found in books written across the centuries. In information shared through our many avenues of modern media (yes, even social media can have good uses!). In products and resources created by others to equip our journey. In personal relationships with those who share our interests.

Sifting through the experience of others will require patience and wisdom, but it’s an invaluable resource when it comes to building your own tool box.

People understand resources.

In my homeschooling years, one of the most common and important, yet also most problematic, questions fellow homeschoolers asked was, “What curriculum should I use?” Let me tell you, homeschoolers are very ready to let you know what their favorite homeschool curriculum is and why it’s absolutely perfect!

But, that was never the best advice. The best advice came from those who stopped to say, “Tell me about your family.” Before offering a single suggestion, they wanted to understand the needs of each child and the dynamics of the homeschool family. Then and only then would they offer suggestions about resources.

That’s the kind of people you want to lean on as you build your tool box. The ones who will understand who and where you are. The ones who will share with you as you experiment. The ones who aren’t offended if you choose a resource or path that’s different from their own because they know you have different needs.

Again, some of these people will be those you know personally. Others will be people who share information through websites, podcasts, books, or other resources. Whoever they are, look for those who understand what it means to match people to resources, not just promote a “one-size fits-all” solution. (That’s as much of a myth in filling your tool box as it is in shopping for clothes, by the way.)

Finally, people offer community.

This is truly the most important one. You want to gather people who stand beside you. Provide encouragement. Offer guardrails to keep you from going too crazy. But also provides safe space to let you get a little crazy (because that’s a necessity for any growth).

They might not actually share your new adventure. And that’s okay. If they’re willing to walk beside you, that’s incredibly valuable.

Adjacency is a popular concept these days. Adjacent play. Adjacent work. People each doing their own thing, but together. Consider how much easier it can be to do certain tasks, even distasteful ones, if you simply have someone nearby. It’s always easier for me to focus on work when my husband is working from home and sitting at the desk next to mine. It’s easier for my daughter to tackle housework if she has someone there to jabber at, even if they aren’t actually helping with the work.

People.

If you don’t gather anything else, gather your people. It’s the one tool you’ll never regret having.

Posted in Faith Nuggets, Thoughts, Thoughts from Others, Thoughts from Scripture

Sacrificial Rest

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

 Such a timely reminder, as we are, once again, deep into the holiday season and all of the interactions it can bring!

The holiday season is upon us! As an introverted homebody, sometimes the busyness of this season throws me for a loop. I do love it. I love the decorations and the celebrations. I enjoy the parties and the events, even if I sometimes have to pry myself out of the warm house to attend them.

But I also need rest. And I am not quite sure I like the next lesson God has been teaching me about rest. You see, in addition to learning that rest is relational and expected, I am also learning that rest is sacrificial.

I have always been pretty selfish about rest. My opinion has always been that I need it, and I need it my way or it doesn’t count. But when my husband and I had a conversation about a couple of passages of Scripture, I found my selfishness challenged.

In Acts 16:13, we see Paul heading down to the riverside in hopes of meeting people gathered there to pray. I have never though much about that action until Doug made a thought-provoking observation. He pointed out that Paul’s trip outside the city on the Sabbath was a sacrificial act. It was outside his norm. It was outside the parameters of rest he had been taught during his formative years.

Paul made a sacrifice.

So, where was he when he made this sacrifice? He was in Philippi. He was making the contacts that would eventually result in the Philippian church. The same Philippian church that brought him incredible joy, according to verses like Philippians 1:3. In fact, it could be argued from Scripture that this particular church provided Paul’s greatest source of strength and encouragement.

But it all started with a sacrifice.

One of my favorite verses is Hebrews 3:13.

But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception. (CSB)

I have always loved the idea of encouragement among believers. But, as I look at Paul’s sacrificial investment in the Philippian church – and the return it brought – I see Hebrews 3:13 in a new light. I see that we receive our greatest encouragement, strength, and support when we are willing to sacrifice for one another, even in rest.

Now, sacrificial rest does require care because it still must be rest. It cannot become just another source of busyness. But, what would happen if we were willing to put aside our selfish conceptions of rest and determine instead to rest in fellowship with our fellow believers?

As the busy schedule presses in, I pray God will show me exactly how to rest sacrificially – and that He will allow even my rest to bear the fruit of joy and encouragement for others.

This is part three of the Rest series, originally published in Arkansas Baptist News.

Posted in Marriage

Pruning or Chopping?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

This is another old post that I’m republishing. I’ll say more about it at the end.

I’ve always loved hydrangeas. They fascinate me. I’m typically not a flower gal. I’m not great at keeping plants alive anyway, and as pretty as flowers are, I just don’t have what it takes to maintain them.

Black irises and hydrangeas are the exception. Black irises grew wild in Jordan, and we would go on wild flower hunting trips every spring, coming home with trunks full of irises and poppies. So, although I have not yet managed to get mine to bloom, I’m still determined to successfully grow and tend black irises.

Hydrangeas are another story completely. They fascinate me because of their color. So many little things can affect the appearance of the flower – sometimes with multiple colors growing on a single bush! I’ve always wanted to try to grow hydrangeas, but have just never gotten around to it.

Needless to say, I was quite excited to discover two large hydrangea bushes in the back yard of our new house.

The only problem with the bushes was that they’d been untended for quite some time. For a couple of months, we tried to just trim out dead branches, tackle the weeds and vines, and help the bushes thrive again.

But, ultimately, we had to give up. Over the weekend, we realized that all we could do was cut down the bushes and plan to start from scratch.

It was so sad. But, the more we worked, the more we saw that the problem was too big to tackle any other way. Parasitic vines had wound their roots all around the bushes. So many dead branches protruded from one bush that it was hard to find the source of the live branches. And weeds we couldn’t even begin to see before we chopped began to reveal themselves.

We also discovered that it wasn’t just two bushes. Four bushes – two large and two small – were actually planted there. The small ones were so overwhelmed by the larger ones and the weeds that they could hardly grow – and definitely could not grow straight!

Yes, the destruction was necessary.

I’ve heard that hydrangea bushes will regrow after a couple of years. Maybe these will survive. Maybe they won’t. But they’d gotten to the point that they could no longer be maintained as they were.

Are we careful to keep our marriages from reaching that point?

We tend the growth, but do we make sure to actively work against the harmful things? Do we trim out dead branches of anger, bitterness, frustration, and dissatisfaction? Do we actively combat the weeds of distraction, disillusionment, and temptation? Or do we just try to nourish the good and ignore everything else?

Marriages, like plants, must be tended. And they cannot be tended in a tunnel-visioned manner. We have to actively combat the negative as strongly as we nourish the beautiful. We can’t ignore it. We can’t hide it. We have to deal with it.

Neglect eventually catches up to us. And when it does, the work needed to overcome the neglect can often leave us chopping our marriages down to the roots. As we chop, we discover just what damage we’ve done to those around us, like our children, forcing them to grow oddly because of the strain our neglect has put on them.

And the more we have to chop, the more uncertain our future becomes. Will our marriages regrow? Or will they die?

Let’s not neglect the issues that pop up in our relationships, issues that will force drastic measures later. Let’s instead tend our marriages now, pruning and weeding to keep them growing healthy and strong.

What tending do you need to do this week?

I wrote this post years ago, just a few months after we moved into our second purchased home. I’m happy to say that the hydrangeas in question not only survived, they exploded with growth the very next spring! The same hope exists for marriages, sometimes even those that seem to have endured too much neglect to ever truly recover. While marriages are obviously much more complex (and abusive neglect changes the discussion completely), I have seen this miracle happen with them as well. It is a beautiful sight.

Posted in Marriage

Just Because

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Once upon a time, I wrote a post about marriage every Monday. I found this one today and thought I’d honor that old Marriage Monday tradition this week.

My husband is the king of “just because” moments – those little moments when there’s no real reason to celebrate, give a gift, or do something out of the ordinary. He just acts out of love.

I’m not so great at those moments. I tend to be more of a planner and need a reason or an occasion to motivate me to action. That’s an area I want to grow, though. I want to be more about the “just because” actions.

So, why are those moments so important? Because they show that we’re thinking of each other. They are tangible proof that our relationship goes beyond just the normal facts of married life. Our marriage is not just about going through the daily routine, parenting our kids, and putting up with each other. It’s about being a picture of Christ’s relationship with us.

And, let me tell you, my friends. There are many things the Lord does in our lives “just because.”

Just because they help us bring glory to Him.
Just because they fill us with joy.
Just because they teach us to know Him better.
Just because they bounce through our lives to impact others, drawing them into the kingdom.

Yes, marriage is a picture of all of that.

Suddenly, those little “just because” moments become far more important, don’t they? Those moments in which we are wide open in our love for our spouses. Those moments in which we display that love before the world. Those moments that are not about bragging but are about being true and real and honest.

I love seeing husbands and wives sitting close together, holding hands in public, or fully engaged in delightful conversation. I love seeing them drawn together like a magnet. There’s little more beautiful than the sight of a husband’s face lighting up when he sees his wife or a wife’s expression when she’s about to explode with pride for her husband.

Those are “just because” moments that shine.

Creating a marriage that reflects Christ, thus fulfilling marriage’s true purpose, is not an easy task. But, it can start with something as simple as being intentional about “just because” moments.

How can you be intentional this week?

Posted in What Works for Me

What Works for Me

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I got caught up in a variety of tasks this morning and ran out of writing time. But, in an effort to keep up the habit (more on that to come), I took enough time to review and update another old post to republish and share. So, here you go!

The more I have delved into the worlds of ministry and homeschooling, the more I have seen a certain truth reveal itself: What works for you just might not work for me.

We love to give advice. When someone has a problem, we are quick to share the perfect solution. After all, it worked perfectly for me. Doesn’t that mean it will work perfectly for everyone?

What we forget is that we are not a one-size-fits-all people. We are unique by design. As a result, one solution will not fit every single one of us. In fact, very often one solution will fit, well, one of us.

That produces quite the conundrum. If what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa), then I suppose we can never help one another!

Fortunately, that supposition is far from true. We can help one another. We just have to know how. As we dole out “helpful” advice, the most important thing to remember is that all situations are different. That realization needs to form the foundation for all advice that we give.

So, what do we do with this realization? How can it truly shape the advice we give? Here are some tips I have learned:

Explain why it works for me.

Over the years, I’ve written a lot of reviews, blog posts, and articles that offer information about a product or method. Each time I dive into this style of writing, I try to start with a little “insider” information. I don’t share my life story, but I do give enough information about my circumstances to allow readers to discern how their situation or personality might relate to or differ from mine. They can then make mental adjustments as they read. This can just as easily be accomplished with spoken and informal advice.

Learn to pay attention to how the recipient of the advice is different.

I have learned just how important it is to be personal and relational, truly listening to people and where they are before I dish out advice. (Okay, so I’ve learned how important it is to do this; I’m not always great at following through with it. I’m learning.) Only then can I clearly see the ways in which what works for me needs to be adjusted before the advice can be useful to the recipient.

Don’t take it personally when advice is not taken or does not work.

I am still learning to repeat to myself, “What works for me might not work for them.” It’s not only okay, it’s good.

Receiving Help

But, there is another side to all of this. There is the receiving end. Though many of us prefer to give advice than to receive it, we are often are in need of what others have to share. So, how can we receive help with both wisdom and grace?

Do not take advice at face value.

No successes are accomplished simply by formula – there are always other, often unnoticed, factors involved. What other factors were involved in your friend’s success story? How do those factors relate to your situation? What changes might you need to make to act on the advice you are given?

Determine to prayerfully consider the advice given.

Often we listen with a smile on our faces, respond that it sounds like a good idea, and walk away with no intention of actually following through with the advice. Why? Because we all have that tinge of pride, be it ever so small, that makes us shy away from acting on the advice of others.

We may or may not actually use the advice, but let’s not allow pride to be the reason. Let it be because it really won’t work for us. Prayerfully consider. Hold it up to Scripture. Be willing to consider.

We are a community, whether we like it or not. A community helps. May we be willing to both give and receive with more grace, wisdom, and discernment!