I don’t always like to read verses from Proverbs that deal with marriage. The typical look at the Proverbs 31 woman leaves me feeling like I fall very short (although I have also discovered some very encouraging teachings from Proverbs 31). But, there are also verses like the following that make me say, “Ouch!”:
Prov 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Prov 21:19: It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.
Far too often, I am the contentious woman. I am easily agitated, I am opinionated, and I am proud. Those are all ideal ingredients for the creation of a contentious woman.
Miraculously, my husband tells me almost daily that I am easy to live with. That there is no aspect of “putting up with” me. That he enjoys living with me. I never ceased to be amazed and thankful that he sees me that way, but I know that I do vex him on multiple occasions. I stress and frustrate him. I say the wrong thing – or even if I say the right thing, I say it the wrong way. I do things that aggravate him. I neglect to pay attention or think through details. I drop the ball so often.
Honestly, it is a mystery to me that my husband does not add all of those things up and find the sum to be a hard to live with, contentious, vexing wife. But, he doesn’t. It’s not that he is blind to those things. Oh, he sees them clearly enough. He deals with them day in and day out. But, I firmly believe he is being perfectly honest when he tells me I am not a contentious wife.
I believe the solution to the mystery lies in attitude. You see, I do not desire to be a contentious wife. Even though I fail in my goals so often, I believe my husband can overlook my daily failures because he knows where my desires lie. He knows that I really want to be a good, supportive wife. He sees that attitude, those desires, instead of the mess that really comes out as I blunder through this thing called marriage.
I am constantly humbled and awed by his insight. I am driven by his faith in me. I want to be what he sees!
Please hear me when I say that our actions are critical. If we want to grow in our marriages, we – both husband and wife “we” – must, must, must behave in a way that shows submission to God first and foremost, followed by Christlike love for one another. That has to be shown in action.
But, having said that, I also know that our actions fail. Frequently. We sin. We falter. We make mistakes. We get selfish. It happens, even as we strive to make our actions fit with godliness. And that is why attitude is such a huge deal in a growing marriage. I truly believe that my husband sees me as easy to be married to because he sees that I do hunger to be a godly wife. The selfishness and contentiousness are all symptoms of my battle with sin. My heart attitude, though, is the opposite.
Oh, precious friend, we will all struggle. But, in spite of it all, may our hunger, our desire, and our goal in marriage be that we will, despite it all, have an attitude of godliness.