Author: Ann B. Hibbard

Many times, I've read profiles of writers and storytellers and have felt like an imposter among them. I don't really fit the profile. I'm different. Not quite the ordinary fit for any of those categories. And yet, the thoughts toss about in my brain and beg to be let out. My words come together in writing much better than in any other format. So, my goal is to recognize that I am a writer, even if I am a not-quite-ordinary one.
Posted in Marriage

Marriage & Friendship

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I opened my stocking yesterday morning to find two huge surprises (in addition to a nice pile of dark chocolate filling the toe!). The first thing I pulled out was a small, finely woven sack. Inside was a braided bracelet with a small tag in the center. On the tag were coordinates.

“Actually, you need the other bag,” my husband smiled, and I reached back into the stocking. Sure enough, there was another bag with another bracelet. The first bracelet held coordinates for my home. The second? Coordinates for the Solomon Island village home of our dear friends the Choates. One bracelet was for me; the other was for my friend Joanna – one more connection across the many miles that separate us.

The second surprise was a beautiful fountain pen with extra cartridges. Not too long ago, I had told Doug that I wanted to become more regular about writing letters – real, snail mail letters, something I used to thoroughly enjoy doing as a child, before the days of e-mail and social media. So, when a friend asked what I wanted for Christmas, my sweet husband suggested she get me stationary. Then, he found this elegant pen to go with my new stationary. His desire was to intentionally support my goal of letter writing.

Both gifts, though, supported something much deeper – they both supported my need for friendship.

Doug will always be my dearest, closest, and most desired friend. That is how marriage should be, and I love it. But, we both know that we need other friends as well. Because we are both introverts – and because we move a good deal – it is not always easy for us to find and build deep, local friendships. But, God is not restricted by distance or time. Sometimes He builds friendships across the miles as easily as He does across the street.

My husband knows which friends I need when, and he actively helps me stay connected to them. He not only supports my friendships, he equips them. He nourishes them. He encourages and helps build them.

And I pray regularly over his friendships. I pray that he will be able to develop the deep relationships he needs and that I will see ways to nourish those friendships as he nourishes mine.

Friendship with one another is such a vital part of marriage. If we allow outside relationships to supersede the one that exists within the confines of our home and marriage, our marriage will suffer. But, it will also suffer if we close out all other relationships or if we allow ourselves to feel as if we are in competition with one another’s friends.

There is no competition. All are needed in very specific ways to meet very specific needs.

I am blessed beyond words to have a husband who is my dearest friend while simultaneously supporting and equipping my vital external friendships. That, to me, is the epitome of friendship in marriage.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, What Works for Me

Intentionality

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Earlier this year, I wrote about utilizing time blocks to help with my productivity. As I have progressed through the year, I have waffled in the discipline of utilizing those time blocks. But I have also learned something about myself and my productivity from the times I have been diligent to use the time blocks well.

Still Can’t Do It All

When I first determined to set timers, it was so I could progress through my to-do list better. I wanted to get everything done. I wanted to be able to answer the “How do you do it all?” question with, “Well, I use these nifty little time blocks, and…” Instead, I am still stuck with my old answer: I don’t do it all. Some things just get left undone.
My first inclination is to believe that I have failed because I still do not get it all done. I am a completer. A finisher. Incomplete projects leave me frustrated, and sometimes I want to put everything else aside so I can just finish one thing.

Unfortunately, life is a never-ending flow of the incomplete. I will never be done this side of heaven. Accepting that reality has been half of my battle. I have had to become okay with the fact that few things in my life can be completed. The to-do list will never be cleared.

That thought is enough to make me want to throw up my hands, give up the time blocks idea as just another failed attempt at making progress, and decide that I’m just going to be under stress for the rest of my life. But, honestly, that sounds awful. In fact, it sounds downright disobedient to the Savior or commanded me to “be anxious for nothing” (Phil 4:6, NASB).

So, what is the alternative?

I’m learning that intentionality is the real solution, and the time blocks are my best tool to get there.

You see, without time blocks, I flounder all day, putting too much time into this task and too little into another. Wasting a great deal of time staring off into space. Getting distracted. And, ultimately, letting the clock boss me around.

With time blocks, though, I have a focus. Before I start my 25-minute productivity timer, I evaluate what needs to be focused on in that time block. Not what needs to be completed. Just where I need to put my focus. (Just as an example, I might not complete this post in my 25-minute slot, but I’m not doing anything else until I’m either done or my timer dings!)

There is a spiritual side to this too, but that would take another 500+ words to walk through! So, come back next week and we’ll explore part two!

Posted in Marriage

The Countdown

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Eighteen years ago, he had a countdown timer.

When he came to see me at work, he’d let me know just how much time was left. The number of days. Hours. Minutes. Even seconds.

Even the flowers he had delivered to me at work one day, as beautiful and thoughtful as they were, didn’t hold a candle to the love shown through that countdown. With each update, I knew he was excited. I knew he anticipated. I knew this was mutual. He was as excited about the day, the hour, and the moment as I was.

The actually event was not elaborate. In fact, it lasted a mere nineteen minutes. But, it was worth the countdown. It was worth the anticipation. Because it was the gateway opening to the eighteen years that have followed.

We’re still counting. But now we’re counting up. We’re walking through every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, and even decade together. There are ups and downs, as life must have. But, we love it all. We are thankful for it all. Because we mutually walk through it together.

We celebrate throughout the year. We honor throughout the year. But, once a year, we step it up just a bit. We mark the passing of another tick of the calendar. Another major count up. We remember the anticipation of the days we were counting down, and we stand thankful for all of the days since.

Happy 18th anniversary, my love!

Thank you for counting down to 2:00, December 19, 1998 (and 2:19!). Thank you for sticking with me while we have counted up to eighteen. And thank you for not batting an eye when you say you’re ready to count up to 36…and beyond!

Posted in Around the Web, Repost, Thoughts from Life

Sock Dolls & Homeschool Tradition

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Remember the “looking back at old posts” idea from yesterday? Here’s a post that I wrote nearly three years ago for work purposes. The sock dolls aren’t as prominent these days, having given way to other things. But, the traditions birthed from those sock dolls are still growing. This is a precious memory. 

My daughter’s ninth birthday was just around the corner. She loves homemade gifts, but this particular year she had no requests and I had no ideas. So, my husband and I made plans to purchase a gift or two instead of making something. Suddenly, inspiration struck! Two mere weeks before her birthday, my precious child decided all she wanted for her birthday was a homemade sock doll.

To this day I have no idea where she got the sock doll idea. I wonder if she even knows! I began to interrogate her, trying to determine where she had seen or heard of the idea, but she would just shrug and say the thought popped into her head. I dug deeper, hoping to determine just what sock doll image she carried in her mind so I could attempt to create what she was envisioning. A doll made out of socks seemed to be her only criteria.

After finally remembering a sock doll pattern book my mother-in-law had passed on to me some time before, I set to work. Pressed for time and lacking in confidence, I prayed I could create something that would make my daughter smile. By the time the big day rolled around, a nightgown, two dresses, and a brown-haired, green-eyed sock doll named Susan were wrapped and ready for my brown-haired, green-eyed birthday girl.

Not Just A Doll…

I never would have imagined the tradition that sock doll request would become.

Hardly a birthday or Christmas passes without at least one more doll joining the family. A year after Susan’s arrival, William graced my daughter’s tenth birthday celebration. Ella joined the sock doll family a few months later when my daughter decided that her little sister needed a doll of her own. William and Susan now have a son named George, and Ella met Oliver this past Christmas. My son, who was given a blue-eyed chef named Han for Christmas, is helping me assemble a little sister for George. I believe my middle child has created a sock bunny, and both George’s little sister and the sock bunny will soon be wrapped up and presented to my oldest for her twelfth birthday.

When I first started homeschooling, I mourned my inability to establish homeschool traditions.

I hate paper crafts, and I never could get my act together early enough to plan the perfect food celebration for every holiday. I felt like a failure because holidays such as President’s Day and Valentine’s Day would pass by without an educational, yet celebratory, plan. An old school year would simply end with little fanfare, and a new one would begin in much the same way.

…A New Tradition

Only after the sock dolls began multiplying with great rapidity did I realize that our family really is creating homeschool traditions. We usually forget to work in thankfulness activities all through November, put out the perfect Valentine’s display, or welcome Easter with reminder-filled baked goods. But we do not forget to line up the sock dolls and their stuffed companions to help recreate the first Christmas. We always remember to pull out a favorite book in March to make sure the stuffed menagerie knows the story behind St. Patrick’s Day. Napoleon the Penguin preaches stuffy church every Sunday, and Alf the Calf has performed at least one sock doll wedding in full-fledged Impressive Clergyman fashion.

I no longer mourn the holidays and events that pass us by without the typical homeschool crafts and foods.

A cheap bag of men’s tube socks, some fiberfill, and a supply of fabric scraps might not seem like much for other families, but for us they symbolize surprising tradition in the form of pilgrim and Indian sock dolls retelling the story of the first Thanksgiving. That, my friends, is tradition enough for me!

This article was originally written for Home Educating Family’s blog, now WellPlannedGal.com.

Posted in Thoughts from Life, What Works for Me

Looking Back

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I forget things. Quite easily, in fact. So, I need a lot of reminders. That’s part of why I started blogging – as a sort of online scrapbook for family events and online journal for thoughts I’ve processed and lessons I’ve learned. Sometimes I look back just to remember the sweet things I’ve experienced.

Other times I need to look back in order to progress forward. Old ideas and experience spur new ones. Tips I shared at a time when things were going smoothly for me (at least in that one area!) help me get over humps when my own road is not so smooth.

I also need to look back sometimes to see how far I’ve come. Recently, I went back and reread some of my earliest blog posts. Wow! There are some I’m tempted to unpublish! But, they remind me of how much I have learned. How practice does bring improvement – at least, I hope I’ve improved!

Finally, looking back motivates me to start new things. It reminds me that, once upon a time, I got started on something that is now a natural part of life. I have several things on my “want to accomplish eventually” list, and right now they seem to be rather daunting. But, so was blogging, once upon a time. So was knitting. Teaching. Editing. Homeschooling. Some of them are still daunting. But, I’m doing them, and they have become a part of normal life – because at some point along the way, I just started.

So, I choose to look back.

My sweet husband handed me a couple of sheets of paper this week. They are all about looking back in order to progress forward. They guide me through finding the good things that happened over the course of 2016. They are helping me look back.

And by taking the time to look back, my hope is that I will be spurred to progress, improve, and begin in 2017.
What helps you move forward?

Posted in Marriage

Commitment Considerations

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

My husband and I frequently get text messages, phone calls, face-to-face questions asking for a commitment to this event or that get-together. When can we meet? Can you attend this? Would you like to join us for that? Can your kids go to this?

So often there is a press to make the decision right now. With calendars on our smart phones, families constantly going ten gazillion different directions, and a society inclined to fill every second with something, it is counter-cultural to respond by saying that we cannot commit to something without stepping back and discussing it as a family – or, at the very least, as a couple.

May I suggest that it is okay, and even advisable, to be counter-cultural when it comes to your commitments (among other things!)? Whether we are committing time, finances, energy, or other resources, being together in commitments is a critical foundation for marriage. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a lot to be unified when making commitments. It simply takes intentional consideration.

Boundaries

We all know that children crave boundaries, whether they admit it or not. They might push them or even defy them, but there is comfort in knowing those boundaries are there. They know what to expect and when to expect it when the boundaries are set and affirmed through both positive and negative discipline.

Commitments are no different. When a couple sets boundaries, they provide a security for their marriage and their whole family. Is a daily or weekly family dinner important? Set boundaries around it and establish clear guidelines regarding a handful of interruptions that can automatically override the established family meal. This doesn’t mean that everything else is automatically trumped by family dinner, but it does mean that anything outside the agreed-upon interruptions must be discussed before a decision is made.

The same would go for date night, a family sabbath, or other regularly established routines. By setting and then protecting your boundaries, the whole family automatically knows what outside commitments must automatically be turned down.

Personalities

Are you an extrovert married to an introvert? Or a night owl married to an early bird? If you and your spouse differ in your social personalities, balance is a huge deal. Just as you need a recharge on one end of the spectrum, your spouse needs it on the other. Even if you have similar personality inclinations, commit to being mindful of each other’s needs. Be willing to sacrifice for one another, but also be open about your needs. If one of you is constantly being fueled while the other is being drained, your relationship will not be healthy.

Of course, it’s important to also be mindful of the rest of the family, realizing that it’s not just Mom and Dad’s personalities and needs at stake. Consider in advance when it’s okay to divide and conquer and when the whole family needs to stay together. When can the decision be automatically made by one member of the family and when does a discussion need to be had?

Choices

There will still be times – many times, I’m sure! – when opportunities or obligations arise that do not fit neatly into the plan, even when boundaries are set and personalities are taken into consideration. We all know how important it is to communicate openly and well with one another. But sometimes we have to make decisions before we have a chance to discuss or communicate.

The best way to handle decisions like these is by being prepared beforehand.

  • Have a weekly calendar date. Discuss the upcoming week in detail, but also discuss any adjustments that have been made for the current month and the upcoming month. This will reduce the chances of double-booking or overloading the schedule.
  • Communicate potential commitments. Do you know that your parents are looking to plan something, but don’t have a date yet? Maybe some friends want to find a time to get together or a group you are involved in will need extra meeting times to complete a project. Go ahead and put those things on your spouse’s radar.
  • Set a “maxed out” guideline. Like with your boundaries, communicating this in advance, you know when you must say no to avoid overcommitting.
  • Determine in advance how often you will go separate ways. You don’t have to do everything together, nor do you want to divide and conquer all the time. Decide in advance what thr balance looks like for your marriage and for your family as a whole.

Once a decision is made, be quick to inform him of your choice. Establish a foundation of trust that gives him confidence in your decision-making process. And offer him the same trust.

Posted in Around the Web, Thoughts from Scripture

The Lord’s Prayer

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

A couple of years ago, contrary to the anti-liturgy tradition of Baptists, my preacher husband began a Sunday morning practice of reciting the Lord’s Prayer to close out a corporate prayer time. Like most of our congregation, I had known the Lord’s Prayer for as long as I could remember. But, reciting it together as a church body each Sunday has breathed life into a familiar old passage in ways I never could have anticipated.

A PRAYER THAT BINDS

When a congregation chooses to truly pay attention and seek the Lord together using the points of this prayer, a level of intimacy spreads throughout the church family. Don’t get me wrong – not everyone in our church prays in a heartfelt manner. In fact, it is very much a learning process, and many in our congregation simply repeat the words without much thought. But, in the voices of others, I can hear the same passion that I feel in my own heart. That passion both binds us together and drives us to learn powerful truths about prayer.

Click here to read the rest of the article on wellplannedgal.com.

Posted in Thoughts from Others, What Works for Me

Relational Instruction

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

Last week, I shared the first of two thoughts inspired by a stranger’s random comment. The first had to do with how we learn. The second is more about how we teach – or maybe more how we share advice.

What About Ideals?

When the Facebook stranger offered his one-word instruction regarding my family’s library visit, he gave me instruction without having any knowledge of me or my family. He instructed based on his ideals, not based on relationship.

While I do agree that we must hold firmly to certain ideals, I have learned that the number of firm ideals is, in all honesty, much smaller than I might like to believe. There are biblical truths that must govern every action. Then there are the lesser things.

How we learn is a much lesser thing. And, it is something learned through relationship. Through interaction. I am still discovering how my children learn best. I am still working to teach them according to their strengths, while teaching them also to challenge themselves in their weaknesses.

My husband’s teaching is an even better example. He has served in ministry for over twenty years, and it has been fascinating to watch him tailor his teaching method to each new congregation. He may have taught the same lessons over the years, but he has rarely taught them the same way. Why? Because his audiences – his congregations – have differed. As a result, he has always taken the time to get to know each congregation as much as possible in order to teach according to their strengths.

Relationships are key to teaching and learning.

The stranger who replied to my comment has no relationship with my family. Yet, I also have no relationship with him. Just as he cannot know how to best teach my family, I cannot know how he best learns.

Yet, I wonder how many times I’ve imparted advice in the same way. Without relationship.

These thoughts do not simply apply to parenting and how I raise/teach my children. They apply to life. How do we interact with others who learn and grow in gloriously different ways? How often do we attempt to corral others into our patterns? And how often do we instruct without first building relationship?

Instead of continuing to be agitated, I’m now rather thankful to this complete stranger, because he made me think. I won’t be changing my habits and restricting my children (or myself!) to non-fiction only. But, I will be more careful to stop and think before I speak. To get to know before I instruct. And to delight in the ways God created us to be gloriously individual!

Posted in Marriage

Attitude of Marriage

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

I don’t always like to read verses from Proverbs that deal with marriage. The typical look at the Proverbs 31 woman leaves me feeling like I fall very short (although I have also discovered some very encouraging teachings from Proverbs 31). But, there are also verses like the following that make me say, “Ouch!”:

Prov 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Prov 21:19: It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.

Far too often, I am the contentious woman. I am easily agitated, I am opinionated, and I am proud. Those are all ideal ingredients for the creation of a contentious woman.

Miraculously, my husband tells me almost daily that I am easy to live with. That there is no aspect of “putting up with” me. That he enjoys living with me. I never ceased to be amazed and thankful that he sees me that way, but I know that I do vex him on multiple occasions. I stress and frustrate him. I say the wrong thing – or even if I say the right thing, I say it the wrong way. I do things that aggravate him. I neglect to pay attention or think through details. I drop the ball so often.

Honestly, it is a mystery to me that my husband does not add all of those things up and find the sum to be a hard to live with, contentious, vexing wife. But, he doesn’t. It’s not that he is blind to those things. Oh, he sees them clearly enough. He deals with them day in and day out. But, I firmly believe he is being perfectly honest when he tells me I am not a contentious wife.

I believe the solution to the mystery lies in attitude. You see, I do not desire to be a contentious wife. Even though I fail in my goals so often, I believe my husband can overlook my daily failures because he knows where my desires lie. He knows that I really want to be a good, supportive wife. He sees that attitude, those desires, instead of the mess that really comes out as I blunder through this thing called marriage.

I am constantly humbled and awed by his insight. I am driven by his faith in me. I want to be what he sees!

Please hear me when I say that our actions are critical. If we want to grow in our marriages, we – both husband and wife “we” – must, must, must behave in a way that shows submission to God first and foremost, followed by Christlike love for one another. That has to be shown in action.

But, having said that, I also know that our actions fail. Frequently. We sin. We falter. We make mistakes. We get selfish. It happens, even as we strive to make our actions fit with godliness. And that is why attitude is such a huge deal in a growing marriage. I truly believe that my husband sees me as easy to be married to because he sees that I do hunger to be a godly wife. The selfishness and contentiousness are all symptoms of my battle with sin. My heart attitude, though, is the opposite.

Oh, precious friend, we will all struggle. But, in spite of it all, may our hunger, our desire, and our goal in marriage be that we will, despite it all, have an attitude of godliness.

Posted in Around the Web, Christmas, Faith Nuggets

What is Advent, Anyway?

Posted on by Ann B. Hibbard

‘Tis the season when Advent books and products are everywhere! There are Advent wreaths, Advent calendars, Advent devotionals, Advent Bible studies . . . and the list goes on. But, what exactly is Advent? What does it mean?

Advent Defined

In one of his devotionals, my husband describes Advent as “the idea of coming, of expectation.” Christmas celebrates the incredible moment when Jesus, King of creation, left royalty beyond our imagining to come live as the humblest of humans — all for the sake of mankind’s redemption. Our redemption!

When we celebrate Advent, we do more than simply set aside one day to wish Jesus, “Happy birthday!” We reset our focus over the course of the whole season. Nothing can make Christmas more precious than an increased awareness of what Jesus really accomplished by taking on our flesh.

When is Advent?

Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas and runs through Christmas Day. Because of this, the season can vary in length from twenty-three to thirty-five days, depending on which day of the week Christmas falls.*

Some devotionals and celebration plans also include the Twelve Days of Christmas. No, that is not just an annoying Christmas song! It is, in fact, the time between Christmas and Epiphany (January 6), the day traditionally set aside to honor the Magi’s visit.

How Does One Celebrate Advent?

The celebration is about as varied as the people who celebrate. As long as you are diving into the spiritual significance of the incarnation of Christ on a weekly or daily basis, you are celebrating Advent. But, just in case you need a little more guidance, here are a few suggestions:

Find a Devotional

Advent devotionals range in style from weekly (each of the four Sundays and Christmas Day) to daily. Strive to find one that not only meets your schedule but also has content to appropriately meet your family’s needs.

Light Candles on an Advent Wreath

Advent wreaths, like devotionals, come in many forms, shapes, and sizes. But all Advent wreaths have at least four candle holders. The idea is to light one candle each Sunday of Advent. A fifth, larger candle should fit in the center of the wreath (some wreaths will have a candle holder for the middle). This is the “Jesus” candle, intended to be lit either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Each Sunday, light one candle. If you have chosen an Advent devotional, read the entry for that Sunday. If not, choose a focus for the season and discuss a portion of it each time you light a candle. Here are some ideas:

  • people of Advent such as the shepherds, Magi, angels, and Mary & Joseph; or Zacharias & Elizabeth, the innkeeper, Anna, and Simeon
  • Messianic prophecies
  • topics such as love, joy, peace, and patience, discussing how they relate to Christmas

Use an Advent Calendar

There are Advent calendars designed to open windows to cute pictures each day, create a manger scene, decorate a tree, discover a surprise, play music, and on and on! Whether you choose one of these or create one yourself, let this be more than just a daily countdown to Christmas Day. Let it be a time when you stop in the midst of the busy season and honestly refocus on the true reason for celebration.

Sing a Carol a Day

There are enough fantastic Christmas songs to pick one a day throughout Advent. Every day, sing or listen to one Christ-centered Christmas song as a family. Then discuss what that song communicates about Jesus and his first coming. (This can also take the place of a topical discussion when lighting the Advent wreath.)

In the words of my pastor husband, “You cannot fail Advent.” As long as you take a moment weekly or daily to step back and consider the truth of Christmas, you are appropriately celebrating Advent.

*This year, 2016, Advent began on Sunday, November 27, and runs a full five weeks. But, it’s not too late to start! 

This article was originally written for Well Planned Gal and published on hedua.com, now wellplannedgal.com. Reprinted with permission.