Have you ever stopped to really think about how we use words?
You might think that this would come naturally to a writer. That I would be deeply attentive to every word I use and its nuance. But, that’s not really true. I am as nonchalant about words as the next person, using vocabulary, phrases, and grammatical structures habitually, without stopping to really process whether or not I am truly communicating my thoughts well.
In fact, I did it in that last sentence. Think about the word “habitually” — or even “habit.” It is often used in a manner which indicates an action taken without thought. Do I really not think about how I use my words? That’s a ridiculous notion, to be honest. Although sometimes I do speak before I think — we all do that at times — typically even the “habitual” words and phrases I use are intentional choices to attempt to communicate well.
So, even though we might think that having a habit means the ability to do something so naturally that we don’t even think about it, the truth is that we don’t actually use the word “habit” that way.
Just to diverge for a moment, the top definition in Webster’s dictionary for habit is “a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior,” followed by the second definition, which includes, “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary,” “addiction,” and “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.” Oh, and if you keep looking, you’ll see older definitions related to clothing, appearance, or even the action of dressing oneself!1
If you’re anything like me, the next time you use the word “habit” out of habit, you’re probably going to stop yourself and think, “Wait, did I really use that word well?”
That, my friends, is the point. What we say matters. But, it’s not just the words we use or the tones and attitudes we present when we use those words. It’s also the way other people understand our words.
That’s a heavy burden to bear, I know. If I talk about doing something habitually, and another person interprets that to mean that I can do it without truly thinking or processing, they may feel that they will never be able to succeed in that area. But, if they think of it as a behavior I’ve acquired or that is typical for me, they may realize that even a habit takes work and effort. Even after being accustomed to doing it. Together, I and the person to whom I am speaking are jointly responsible for making sure that we understand one another and are communicating with clarity.
And guess what? We’ll never, ever, ever do that perfectly!
Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to be a downer there. But it’s the truth. So, if it is the truth, what do we do about it?
I could give you a whole list of good communication techniques, but you can search for those yourself just as easily. I could talk to you about building healthy relationships, but trying to accomplish that in a few hundred words would make something that is exceedingly important feel very trite.
Instead, I’ll share with you what’s on my bedroom wall. It’s a beautiful calligraphy print of Psalm 19:14, which reads, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” (CSB)
Does that answer all our questions? Give us solid vocabulary to rely on that everyone will understand with complete clarity? Ensure that we never say a misunderstood thing ever again?
Nope. Not by a long shot.
But it does rightly direct our intentions. If my goal is to communicate flawlessly with you, I will fail. I’ll pick a wrong word or unwittingly say something that is a trigger for you. But, our amazing God, our Father, Lord, Rock, and Redeemer, knows us all. He knows our hearts. He knows not just what we say, but what we mean. And we can trust Him to bridge the gaps between us.
But only if our goal is first and foremost to be acceptable to Him.
That’s how I want to think, speak, write, and communicate. In a way that makes Him smile. That deepens my relationship with Him. That then, in turn, helps you see His love and pleasure as well. I forget that goal sometimes, which is why I have the verse on my wall, right by the door. I see it every day. I am reminded every day. Even so, I still miss it so often. But I want to keep growing. Keep learning. Keep practicing.
And maybe, before too much longer, that kind of communication will truly be my habit.
Not Quite Ordinary 